tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-49404057651125595452024-03-18T19:54:37.914-07:00Love Multiplies!Rebecca K.http://www.blogger.com/profile/16890819248976415947noreply@blogger.comBlogger123125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4940405765112559545.post-64052889819968180212010-11-24T11:56:00.000-08:002010-11-24T12:11:28.740-08:00Thanksgiving ramblingsWow! so a friend of mine invited my WHOLE FAMILY over for thanksgiving this year, and we are in prep mode, getting ready to go. I need to make the "Lutheran Corn", the "Pink Goop" the Thanksgiving tree, and a variety of misc. items for dinner, so i'm praying i don't forget anything as I tend to be flakey. No, let me rephrase that- I INVENTED flaky. If you look up "flakey" in the dictionary, you will see a picture of me! same with "Gullible" ;-) <br /><br />Anyway, this is such a treat for me because, i HATE cooking. I just REALLY REALLY hate cooking! In fact, i have a deal with my family that i'll make real food on thanksgiving, but Christmas is finger food and perhaps pancakes in the morning- since its totally not fair for ME to never get a break on holidays!!! And Since <a href="http://www.homeschooldistractions.com/">JoAnn</a> likes things to be "just so" She's doing the vast majority of cooking! And i have to admit, while i do HATE cooking i LOVE homecooked food!! I really need to get over the whole hatred of cooking thing. Anyway, Going to the Kuhns' for Thanksgiving is much more than about food though. For several years when my BFF <a href="http://lifewith5monkeys.blogspot.com/">Teresa </a> And my friend Amy, and whatever of Teresa's family could make it, came to Federal Way, and we had thanksgiving at the Matz' church. it was SO MUCH FUN. Just seeing all the children playing together, all the women gathered together cooking, all the men watching the tube and the babies. It felt so REAL so "thanksgivingish" Its HARD to be away from family on thanksgiving, and God is really opening my eyes to "God Family" or the people that God provides for us to act as family, when biological family either isn't available or just plain lets you down. I LOVE THAT about God! if you look deep enough, you will see that He NEVER leaves you without enough! Sometimes our own human greed makes that hard to see, but i'll tell you, i am a blessed woman. I have a LOT on my plate, and i have a LOT of baggage to deal with, and i'm not going to sugar coat all of it- its HARD. but i have a very very FULL life, and i KNOW that my father in heaven KNOWS that that's how i roll- i'd never be satisfied with a simple, basic life. I'm a doer- an achiever- and God's created me that way! And as a result my life reflects that! Someday i'm going to make a mark on the world- i can be sure of that. <br /><br />So today, i'm thanking God for the gift of "God Family" And all those special people in my life who help make me complete- you KNOW who you are! I love you! and i'm grateful for your presence in my life!Rebecca K.http://www.blogger.com/profile/16890819248976415947noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4940405765112559545.post-31107844516061403392010-11-12T10:09:00.000-08:002010-11-12T10:25:10.590-08:00To write love on her arms day!Today is a special day, its "to write love on her arms day" <br /><br />This is a day to raise awareness for people with depression. It has a lot of meaning for me because i struggle with depression. I have had a very difficult childhood, was sexually abused since toddlerhood and psychologically abused pretty constantly. I get post-partum depression SEVERELY, to the point where its really a life or death situation when i am post-partum, and i have 7 children :-) God is GOOD, and i'm alive! I also struggle with general mild depression when not pregnant or post-partum. I have post traumatic stress disorder as well which is under control but i think contributes to the depression issues I have. Anyway, one thing about people who have dealt with depression is that often we feel marginalized, since there are very very REAL effects that cause us to view the world differently, and get affected in weird ways that can be embarrassing, etc. <br /><br />I am participating in this challenge because i hope that people will ask me what the words on my arms are about. I love having the opportunity to share God's love with others, and what better opportunity than this! <br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxzJr5JHieVlW285Ng_42qgQ6ee1zT5Dvn_3XWGrE873pFFy6tqPWtXUpBw1ISBLXdPww6Bi48vDmtwFtkMvfu4Rf6_64CnVlTqkj4U-KbMcwtX6rlQ6YH3XmyfZ8MI3IQZ_wuQeJfjMQg/s1600/DSC00611.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxzJr5JHieVlW285Ng_42qgQ6ee1zT5Dvn_3XWGrE873pFFy6tqPWtXUpBw1ISBLXdPww6Bi48vDmtwFtkMvfu4Rf6_64CnVlTqkj4U-KbMcwtX6rlQ6YH3XmyfZ8MI3IQZ_wuQeJfjMQg/s320/DSC00611.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5538730890109396850" /></a><br /><br />here's the blurb from the facebook page<br />To Write Love on Her Arms is a non-profit movement dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury and suicide. TWLOHA exists to encourage, inform, inspire and also to invest directly into treatment and recovery.<br /><br />To Write Love On Her Arms Day is a day where anyone can write the words love on their arms, to support those who are fighting against depression and those who are trying to recovering. On this day, just write love on your arms, and show it off, other people will ask why you have love written on your arms, and you tell them you are supporting to write love on her arms day, and how its benefiting a non profit organization helping stop depression, and make love the movement ♥<br /><br />on November 12-13th write love on yours arms, and upload pictures <a href="http://www.facebook.com/mamakven/posts/105987439469932#!/event.php?eid=279693068238">here</a> to show your supportRebecca K.http://www.blogger.com/profile/16890819248976415947noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4940405765112559545.post-60992756695126641062010-10-29T19:32:00.000-07:002010-10-29T19:54:03.448-07:00some of my bookmarksSo i'm on my extra computer, that we used till we got our new one, and i thought i'd get my bookmarks on to my laptop, and i thought what better way to make sure they get there, and share my fabulous finds with others than to post here! so enjoy.<br /><br />Scrapbooking:<br /><br />http://www.karenika.com/<br />http://www.karenika.com/category/digital.html<br />http://site.scrapbookexpress.com/blog/<br />http://sketchesbytamara.blogspot.com/<br />http://nvsgirls.blogspot.com/<br />http://pamelasworldofscrap.blogspot.com/<br />http://mysketchworld.blogspot.com/<br /><br />Homemaking:<br /><br />http://www.groupcooking.blogspot.com/<br />http://orgjunkie.com/<br />http://www.suegregg.com/teaching/WholeFoodsCookingLessons.htm<br /><br /><br />Homeschooling:<br />http://donnayoung.org/index.htm<br />http://practicalpages.wordpress.com/free-pages/Rebecca K.http://www.blogger.com/profile/16890819248976415947noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4940405765112559545.post-10631523270930401892010-10-27T09:30:00.000-07:002010-10-27T09:37:52.659-07:00Things...Things are looking up! Despite a NASTY bout of the flu that hit everyone in our family, except possibly nikolas, which is weird, since he's the one that tends to be most likely to get sick, i'm feeling much better! My quest to pray for that particular person and his family is going well, and i'm not crying as much. In fact not barely at all. I guess we'll see how it goes when i go to church- we had to miss it this weekend since that was our peak day- just about EVERYONE was sick. I hate getting sick, no one babies me! There's 2 types of sick people, laid back, people that sort of shrink into themselves and you barely notice they are there when they are sick, which would be like my oldest, Alex, and then there's whiny, needy sick people, like nikolas, my second oldest! i'm pretty sure i'm the latter. So, anyway, i know its just a season, and eventually, my dh will learn to baby me :-) and there won't be ACTUAL Babies to baby :-) But right now is difficult in a lot of ways. But its all good, life is moving on nicely. The dudes had a successful 15 month well baby, and that went well. Sadly our favorite burger place was CLOSED when we went for baby appointments/date night last night :-( Today we are getting back on track with group school and back on track with our routine generally. I'm hoping to get a good bit of scrapping done since i've been tied up with house stuff and sick people stuff the past few days. I'm really needing a creative outlet! I'd love to take my Design team kit and use it down to nothin'! i LOVE scrapping fall.. What i REALLY should do is take advantage of some, of this sun and bring everyone outside to do some nature sketching! hmm... we'll see! Anyway, after my last post i figured i'd better update :-) God Bless,<br />RebeccaRebecca K.http://www.blogger.com/profile/16890819248976415947noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4940405765112559545.post-17966327801157290792010-10-22T23:16:00.000-07:002010-10-22T23:35:38.775-07:00Aching, wrenching pain.I'm going through a hard time right now. I know its all going to work out, i know that ultimately, i'm "OK" but at the same time, i can't even put into words what i'm going through. Andy doesn't get it, but at the same time he has this constant level of underlying hostility. He knows his territory has been invaded, badly invaded, sacked plundered and left for dead. I think in any other circumstance, i would give up. Really, i would have given up long ago. Because this is not my first major trial. But the fact is, i'm the daughter of the king. I'm the beloved child of the most high God and I am untouchable. I just don't feel like it right now. But my daddy is one powerful dude and this situation breaks his heart. And he WILL make things right. So my job is to do what feels impossible and pray for this person, and this person's family. pray for this person's salvation, and for this person's sanctification. Pray that this person can overcome the pain that caused this person to use me and betray me. Thankfully the power of forgiveness is much more powerful than I. I think every time i cry about the situation, i'll take that opportunity to pray for this person and the family of this person. I'll be doing a lot of praying. And that's ok.Rebecca K.http://www.blogger.com/profile/16890819248976415947noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4940405765112559545.post-51444470984672140652010-10-19T23:51:00.000-07:002010-10-19T23:58:35.904-07:00too muchright now i'm feeling like the weight on my shoulders is just too much. And when i write it all down, it IS. Its not the events on my calendar, or the tasks i have to get done, though those are also pretty thickly packed right now too. But the bigger issues are the things that God is asking me to do. They are HARSH, and HEAVY, i don't even know how to describe it. I can't really get into specifics, but suffice to say that i'm certain that these burdens do indeed come from God, Its HARD and i'm having a difficult time finding the strength to go on. In a way, just the fact that i'm asked to do these things indicates to me that God thinks i'm awfully special, and that totally SHOULD make me feel better, but it doesn't. All i can think about is how to get from day to day, and fight the intrusive thoughts going through my head and fight feelings of worthlessness and guilt. I could really use prayer right now. I'm "Ok" i'm not in any immediate danger and i'm not feeling like i'm going into psychosis again or anything, but i do feel like i'm close to the breaking point, and i'm hanging on and trusting Him with all my might, but i'm having a hard time with the feelings of fear that are coming along with it. Clear as mud? probably... ah well... i'm going to go to sleep and things will be better in the morning, they always are. However, i have a very hard day ahead of me. But i'm not going to think about it. Positive thoughts... positive thoughts... sigh...Rebecca K.http://www.blogger.com/profile/16890819248976415947noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4940405765112559545.post-38493874209192759562010-10-13T09:51:00.000-07:002010-10-13T10:01:25.349-07:00It is what it isSo here it is, Wednesday, October 13th. on the upswing from what i think is a sinus infection and a massive case of vertigo. spent the whole day in bed yesterday other than an ill advised but thankfully short drive to safeway to procure all the groceries we'd need for a while with a TON of coupons, and i escaped that trip both without killing anyone AND within the impossible budget, SCORE! So now i'm waiting to go pick up alex who is hopefully taking his PSAT test, despite the fact that he forgot both his pencils AND his cheat sheet i made for him yesterday which gave him explicit directions on what he was to do, ie. arrive at 7:15, check in at the office, go to room 202, etc. I am baffled as to what i can possibly do to help this child more. I know that many truly brilliant people had/have trouble functioning on a daily basis, but i'd really hoped i could help alex get over this massive flakyness. And yes, he gets it from me, which is a bummer. And yes, i still have nightmares about forgetting my locker combination and other various flaky person issues. So while one CAN live a functional life, it still has long term effects. And that's just being a smart person, i'm NOT brilliant like him. Yikes. <br /><br />So we'd been expecting my bff and her family to come stay with us for the weekend, and its looking like that's not happening, which is badly messing with the OCD side of my brain, and making me a little crazy, and sad. Its our 16th anniversary friday and i was hoping to celebrate with our "God family" Oh well. Maybe we'll try to find a sitter for sometime this weekend and go out just the two of us instead. Date night is LONG overdue and hard to get. I have a friend who babysits for a reasonable rate but even reasonable isn't doable most of the time right now. I'm trying to constantly remind myself that the financial situation isn't permanent, and the baby situation isn't permanent, but they are both making life feel really bleak right now. My Neighbor keeps reminding me that the babies won't be whacked out forever, and she's right. But i'm tired.Rebecca K.http://www.blogger.com/profile/16890819248976415947noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4940405765112559545.post-25465466281900434272010-09-23T12:01:00.000-07:002010-09-23T12:02:52.412-07:00What was i thinking??yeah, the whole busy every second thing.... NOT working. There are two words to describe my life right now. "Train" and "Wreck" Really. ugg. Things have got to go up from here, though, right? and the babies won't be babies for ever, and all my friends are praying for me, and its all going to be ok, right?Rebecca K.http://www.blogger.com/profile/16890819248976415947noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4940405765112559545.post-80895437022263475452010-09-14T20:41:00.000-07:002010-09-14T21:49:59.786-07:00Day 2!Of my new busy life.... <br /><br />First off, one thing about me is that i do NOT like a booked schedule. I'm a homebody. We homeschool MAINLY at home, I prefer to not go places, particularily without Andy and with all the kids! So when i did the math and realized i had monday, tuesday, and wednesday evenings booked and friday afternoons really detailedly packed, i was concerned to say the least. I'm always the one warning others of the dangers of having a too packed schedule! Well, when i was emailed and asked to be a table leader at mops, my first reaction was to laugh. HA! THAT'S not happening! But after praying about it and rearranging some things in my schedule, its now a done deal! <br /><br />So tonight i went to my first meeting there, and my first of a new Bible study group, which was crazy, busy and fun. Leaving one meeting late to get to another, late... In the future i'll probably go to Bible study every tuesday except the Leadership meeting. But anyway, It was today, and I was praying about it, and it hit me. It's TIME. And i understood exactly what that meant. Its been a long, hard slog. My whole life, but in particular, the last couple years have been tough. I spent a good amount of time wondering if i'd ever be useful to ANYBODY. I knew from really early on that i was here for a reason, I sensed God's presence and when i was little, i had no idea what it meant, but as i grew into adulthood things fell into place. What did not fall into place though was my state of mind. As soon as i moved out of my parents' houses, PTSD hit with a vengeance. I went through lots of therapy, lots of years of flashbacks and a whole lot of suffering, a lot of tears, a lot of antidepressants- just plain a LOT! the last few years have been colored by various other trials, the biggie happening a couple of years ago. Not going to slog through THAT again, truly, i'm ready to be DONE with it. But it was big and left me feeling even more broken than i felt before, which is impressive. There were a few people in my life who believed in me. My fabulous husband, who refused to let me self destruct into oblivion, my bff Teresa who was never afraid to speak the truth, gently but firmly. My awesome friend Amy, who never judged me and was one of the FEW who didn't completely abandon me. And Stacy, my amazing prophetic friend who, the day I met her, knew that she would change my life. And she did. And having recieved an email from the new leader of MOPS, asking me to be a table leader, and initially laughing, but later getting the message that it was "Time" I realized, that I am indeed useful. I've been in a long season of taking. 5 months of bedrest followed with a year of raising twins, didn't leave me a lot of time or brainpower to be useful to ANYONE and one still might argue that's the case, but i feel like its time for me to give back, and as is in most cases of giving back, to be fed myself. I think that the blessing God intends for me here is SUCCESS. I spend sooooo precious little time being successful. Well, that's not true. Really, each day that everyone stays alive is a success in itself, but its hard to see it that way. With one baby at a time, its hard to feel successful, with two, hard becomes impossible. I guess i can't suppose I know what God's intentions are for me, but i can feel its bigness. And i'm excited, and extremely willing to dive in with both feet, and have faith, even though I don't know where i'm going, and what lies even a few steps ahead of me. And if i fall on my face, i'm doing to try a lot harder to handle it more gracefully than before. I think that's what my job is at this time.Rebecca K.http://www.blogger.com/profile/16890819248976415947noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4940405765112559545.post-15342568522966913512010-09-13T20:14:00.000-07:002010-09-14T00:50:05.278-07:00Wow....<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPi75Ilob-Xzuh2-fXzkyKabp339Vb6t3HO7OTtamHNSL0WSjqaAIYLRAGkQzvjeODbS2h-dKhpHMKs2WPk4PbL9FoTE5yAx8XsPhaxsvZm6pzjIv9zzNsewsuAXkQl1hdvnK5vCxGrU_v/s1600/DSCN4831.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPi75Ilob-Xzuh2-fXzkyKabp339Vb6t3HO7OTtamHNSL0WSjqaAIYLRAGkQzvjeODbS2h-dKhpHMKs2WPk4PbL9FoTE5yAx8XsPhaxsvZm6pzjIv9zzNsewsuAXkQl1hdvnK5vCxGrU_v/s320/DSCN4831.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5516673258501347298" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoyqSGnq1pDSCekJtlpkNtWfNkzvXQM5OefnboO_xSFFpBn3eNY5BGUV1vduk9Y4Vh-VTc5_QFT96zn_JhviRN8HCFxPzfrZx-ip-q2qClWdXwB6vIbM4DI-QTlOYSGBc8p4FFZiwRLep3/s1600/DSC00453_edited-1.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 293px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoyqSGnq1pDSCekJtlpkNtWfNkzvXQM5OefnboO_xSFFpBn3eNY5BGUV1vduk9Y4Vh-VTc5_QFT96zn_JhviRN8HCFxPzfrZx-ip-q2qClWdXwB6vIbM4DI-QTlOYSGBc8p4FFZiwRLep3/s320/DSC00453_edited-1.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5516672695048546194" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbuRkE7Uwm9HnC-oMcdWBQbaDKHISCQiP4YnjNZlsV1JW-zG_r8R64WDvMqWYJZZt_1FsHu7docTL8q-QsPxRGEJ6PDbfxL8E7CmyTQIFnX42GUK1EeF80hD_1lirvBNW_bU04MX1S7U3I/s1600/DSC00099.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbuRkE7Uwm9HnC-oMcdWBQbaDKHISCQiP4YnjNZlsV1JW-zG_r8R64WDvMqWYJZZt_1FsHu7docTL8q-QsPxRGEJ6PDbfxL8E7CmyTQIFnX42GUK1EeF80hD_1lirvBNW_bU04MX1S7U3I/s320/DSC00099.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5516672682331223778" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSOf9xrWG2L5FcFCTlSVQY5w-AZtBO56YQmLRSU_a96-X123kd-zsHio9wfOYhZSbZpuB7mvQGGRbkxheNhmJiXXYijzlGMPgAvdpGv1ze6ApvRu1-iSLxiIkrZlEnZ6aVViXK40G8ZMIo/s1600/DSC00187.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSOf9xrWG2L5FcFCTlSVQY5w-AZtBO56YQmLRSU_a96-X123kd-zsHio9wfOYhZSbZpuB7mvQGGRbkxheNhmJiXXYijzlGMPgAvdpGv1ze6ApvRu1-iSLxiIkrZlEnZ6aVViXK40G8ZMIo/s320/DSC00187.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5516672672237982626" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjB9TUcRACfhJerImTL8huCh7_jthvkwJJ915AkJQiHYMH7qrbXvtpGE26Ze55AfCwjT_MGoR9jHrPE3oTuqwrZZWwc6v6DJwCodJKGMEpjCLFO4cy7wV9LesK4TWdCTgrBIYHzp6y4XYae/s1600/DSC00264.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjB9TUcRACfhJerImTL8huCh7_jthvkwJJ915AkJQiHYMH7qrbXvtpGE26Ze55AfCwjT_MGoR9jHrPE3oTuqwrZZWwc6v6DJwCodJKGMEpjCLFO4cy7wV9LesK4TWdCTgrBIYHzp6y4XYae/s320/DSC00264.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5516672660381643698" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiH2j0B7XACJz_XpjFkHvydlxinHQxphlptelZR4Ni21ub_FPzBO0nCGUYPpD91GkcYYpzNGd0ZR4K2TYkb_mJ9k2eOm_ZG5gmUBMohpMj_Oc6KLFSqJz9JCFpsTenBUoQm0Rkr6n-dtrtx/s1600/FILE0071_edited-1.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 218px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiH2j0B7XACJz_XpjFkHvydlxinHQxphlptelZR4Ni21ub_FPzBO0nCGUYPpD91GkcYYpzNGd0ZR4K2TYkb_mJ9k2eOm_ZG5gmUBMohpMj_Oc6KLFSqJz9JCFpsTenBUoQm0Rkr6n-dtrtx/s320/FILE0071_edited-1.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5516672654480286834" /></a><br />Ok, so i almost dare not say a thing, for fear that i'll suddenly find myself awakened from a dream and not really living this life for real, but i dare say that after 2 years of living in the pits of despair, things might be looking up!<br /><br />I really truly mean it too, i know i'm prone to melodrama, but truly, the last two years almost exactly, two years, have been a test of my ability to persevere in a big way. I've been hit with virtually every trial imaginable. Ok, well that is melodramatic. I haven't faced EVERY trial but i have faced enough to leave me sick, heartbroken, on the brink of divorce, on the brink of life, dehydrated enough to be on an iv, shaped like a beach ball... the list goes on and on. <br /><br />And truth be told, the trials are FAR from over. I've cautiously initiated contact with family after a 15 yr estrangement, i'm still trying to keep the twins from killing each other. I have the busiest schedule that i have EVER had. i'm still trying to figure out how to fit my light therapy, exercise and creative time into my schedule, I'm also trying to keep my 1yo twins from killing themselves and each other, which has been QUITE a challenge. <br /><br />But i just have this feeling like things are going to be ok. I'm embarking on this incredibly cool ministry opportunity that is looking like its going to be BIG and AMAZING, i'm building relationships, babies are still alive. God has so blessed me. Just thought i'd share :-)Rebecca K.http://www.blogger.com/profile/16890819248976415947noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4940405765112559545.post-37729914216286700032010-08-06T10:13:00.000-07:002010-08-06T10:18:11.685-07:00TodayToday i was sitting outside, doing my Bible study, (outside is the BEST place for that! not only is it relatively free from kid noise but its got a more pleasant noise all its own, birds, trees, wind...) and i was contemplating how amazing it all is. It floors me that anyone could so much as open their eyes in the morning and not be struck by the miracle that all this in front of us, behind us, and within us is. Much less that they could ever in their wildest imaginations believe this all evolved from nothing. Its ludicrous, plain and simple. I don't know how to explain why SO many do. It doesn't even make sense to me. <br /><br />On a practical note, we are 1. getting our new to us dryer today! YAY! and also are going shopping at costco, so i SHOULD be working on my memo, but i'm not. I'm here.. marveling and thinking... AAK! bottle washing must be done. Another super short twin baby mama post from me, like usual.Rebecca K.http://www.blogger.com/profile/16890819248976415947noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4940405765112559545.post-22865289121568416962010-07-30T08:12:00.000-07:002010-07-30T08:56:49.234-07:00stuffThe time escaped me again. The twins' birthday went BEAUTIFULLY well, and we got lots of great pictures, and even a video of elliott grabbing the top off asher's cake :) very cute. <br /><br />Things are otherwise going pretty well... Leif's bd party is coming up on sunday. His actual birthday was yesterday but my friend JoAnn is having Maddie's bd (the twins born two days later buddy) on saturday so sunday it is! Its busy, i'm getting ready to start school on monday, August 2, which is a new thing for us, but i'm wanting to ease into a routine and ease into all the subjects and for that we need an extra month.Rebecca K.http://www.blogger.com/profile/16890819248976415947noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4940405765112559545.post-69357653726471565582010-07-20T06:37:00.000-07:002010-07-20T06:44:26.334-07:00TodayToday i'm up and i'm starting over. i need to get up so i can have some time to wake up in peace without people demanding stuff of me. Had a BIG argument with andy about that yesterday and I don't want to revisit THAT. So I think the only way to resolve this situation is to sacrifice sleep to make it happen, which i'm actually not supposed to, since i'm supposed to sleep a good amount at night to keep the PPD at bay, but i'm hoping this will at least spur me on to having a decent bedtime. The nighttime with its quietness is so intoxicating for me. <br /><br />Anyway, during my Bible study this morning, i realized that i have to FOCUS on the race. If i spend my whole life lamenting that my mommy doesn't love me that's all i'll be able to think about. I have to move on. And that's hard, but what can I do about it? NOTHING, so might as well pick myself up and move on, keeping the whole situation marinated in prayer. <br /><br />So, that is what i shall do. Now, the day is at hand, and there's much to be done. I'm about to catch a webinar on teaching math, and at 10 i have a dr. appt, me, and the twins. We are then meeting Amy and JoAnn in Auburn for a park playdate, and at SOME point i really need to order birthday cake for the twins and their own individual cupcakes, at Costco and QFC respectively. <br /><br />I'm thinking we will have salmon chowder for dinner tonight if i can get it in the crockpot in time.Rebecca K.http://www.blogger.com/profile/16890819248976415947noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4940405765112559545.post-16722451679791925332010-07-19T22:44:00.000-07:002010-07-19T22:49:30.612-07:00Dealing...Sometimes i just am obsessed with wishing things could be different. I know its useless. I know its a pointless waste of time, but being created with the knowledge of what is RIGHT and what it was SUPPOSED to be like, and was like before sin, is hard. Its a process, and someday i know that God will help me fully to not feel that gap in my life. But right now i'm sad. Time to up my meds again i guess... Sometimes i wonder if i will ever be a whole person.Rebecca K.http://www.blogger.com/profile/16890819248976415947noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4940405765112559545.post-64266627715887014402010-06-29T21:20:00.000-07:002010-06-29T21:31:36.656-07:00My list-wow... i haven't posted since FEBRUARY?!? REALLY? i guess i got distracted with my new <a href="http://homeschoolingwiththekvenvoldens.blogspot.com">homeschooling blog</a> But here I am and i'm on a new mission. <br /><br />Ok, so the thing is, i had a really rough childhood. I have PTSD and right now, i remember only spotty bits of it. I was molested from the time i was a toddler, i was manipulated, i was nearly destroyed, but for the grace of God, i'm sure one of my many suicide attempts/desires would have succeeded. But God has a bigger plan for me than that. I was enlightened by my brilliant friend Stacy that What i really need is to take back what was stolen from me, and obviously that would be a really really hard series of things to do, but If i can succeed, i can come out on the other side and really be a light to others who have been hurt in similar ways. <br /><br />First, I need to acknowledge what was stolen from me. <br /><br />- My innocence. <br />- My trust of men.<br />- My memories of childhood.<br />- My ability to feel loved<br />- My ability to function fully intimately with my husband without unwanted psychological intrusions<br />- My confidence in myself<br />- My ability to look anyone in the eye. <br />- My ability to have a healthy relationship with food.<br />- Having a mother<br />- Being able to sleep without fear<br />- Being free from irrational fears<br />- Being free from horrendous flashbacks.<br /><br />I'm sure there's more. I'll add to it later... i was also going to make a list of what i'm taking back but this is too draining and i'm tired and distracted anyway.Rebecca K.http://www.blogger.com/profile/16890819248976415947noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4940405765112559545.post-63790098371890599872010-02-17T12:56:00.000-08:002010-02-17T13:28:44.929-08:00a review: Timberdoodle graphic novels.Hey all! its been a long time... been busy, crazy busy... yesterday after the weirdest most unnerving episode of neurological insanity, i went to the ER and discovered i did NOT have a brain tumor OR a stroke, which is fantastic. I do have an inner ear problem. either just regular calcifications that will fall off and go away soon on their own, or else potentially a hereditary ear defect. I need to do some auditory testing. At any rate i'm so glad its not TOO bad. Just Vertigo, which is crazy and is making my life difficult but won't kill me. But, back to the task at hand, <br /><br />As soon as i received these, i KNEW i had to tell everyone I know about them! Then Timberdoodle posted a promo for a discount if you review something or do some other things, and i was all over that. <br /><br />First, i saw these when they first started selling them but only just got around to buying them last week. here's a picture from Timberdoodle<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.timberdoodlecompany.com/doodleblog/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/setof112-300x300.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 300px; height: 300px;" src="http://www.timberdoodlecompany.com/doodleblog/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/setof112-300x300.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a> This set is only $16.95 and that is a HUGE HUGE discount. So at that price, i knew it was worth a shot. My 11 yo LOVES comic books, and i've noticed about comic books that they tend to be 1. pretty immodest and 2. very unintelligent. I knew since Timberdoodle sold these graphic novels that they'd be neither of the above, so along with lots of other things on my wishlist, i bought these. I received them and was genuinely surprised at how they looked. First, when i picture "graphic novel" the first thing that pops into my mind is "comic book." You know, cheesy design, super flimsy paper cover, newsprint paper that the ink rubs off of... you get my drift! Well, THESE "graphic novels" could not be FURTHER from that description! They are like regular softcover books, with a good design, durable cover and nice, bright pages. both my 11 and 8yo were transfixed by them and read and read. I know i need to add the other volumes to our collection. <br /><br />Anyway, if you'd considered these, i'd say GO FOR IT and especially the vastly discounted set though the others are definately worth the money!!! here's a link to buy them<a href="http://www.timberdoodle.com/Stories_From_History_Set_of_10_Graphic_Novels_p/332-600.htm"> http://www.timberdoodle.com/Stories_From_History_Set_of_10_Graphic_Novels_p/332-600.htm</a><br />RebeccaRebecca K.http://www.blogger.com/profile/16890819248976415947noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4940405765112559545.post-40005089744933204222010-01-17T09:29:00.000-08:002010-01-17T09:39:33.907-08:00Day-cationI'm writing to you all from lovely Vancouver Washington! Which i must say, i really like. People are really friendly here. Huge difference from Federal way. What i was most surprised about was that the hotel we stayed at let us stay in just one room, which was GREAT! We came here on the fly, after Teresa called me on thursday and said, Hey, we're going up to vancouver this weekend, can you guys drive down? And much to my surprise, DH thought that was a GOOD idea, even though he's really tired from the whole nasty work/babies routine we have going on. Of course the weekend happened to be BOTH our monthly nursery weekend and my scrapbooking group that i'm in charge of at church's weekend. EEK. But the Matz' are our best friends and we haven't seen them since the baby's baptism 5 months ago. So anyay, here's how it went. <br /><br />We drove up and got here late, around 130, and discovered the matz had been here since 10 am! aak! so we got settled in our hotel room, and went to the mall, which was super fun. We never go to the mall anymore! then we came back to the hotel to rest a bit while the Matz' were out to dinner with someone they know, and then we met up and went swimming in the Matz' hotel pool, which was a bit bigger than our hotel's pool. the kids had a blast and i got some amazing pictures. Then we went back to the hotel and THOUGHT we'd go to bed. Unfortunately, ellie was not on the same page as us and screamed continually for an hour. we got him dressed and swaddled, gave him his teething tablets and motrin, and Nothing... he finally stopped screaming when andy walked with him around forever... then we put him in his crib... he slept for a while... and then... he started up again!!! aaak! finally got that one to sleep and the other one started up. he pretty much nursed ALL night and i'm about zonked out. Now we are cleaning up, looking for our missing cell phone, and getting ready to go to church! <br /><br />Other than the no sleep thing, it was fantastic... its so awesome to meet up with the matz' and also just to get OUT of our house for a while! i swear those walls start to close in on a person after a while! Aaak! gotta go help find the cell phone! later.Rebecca K.http://www.blogger.com/profile/16890819248976415947noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4940405765112559545.post-66561779684842115302009-12-26T11:22:00.001-08:002009-12-26T11:29:35.717-08:00SLACKER!!!wow... i can't believe its been a month since i've posted! Well, actually, i can. Its been Chaos here. With a fedex driver dh the whole christmas season is a nightmare and i'm SO GLAD its passed! Anyhow, Today is my sweet Nikolas' 11th birthday. I can't believe its been so long. He's growing in to such a wonderful young man. I'm so blessed to have him! PLease join me in praying for this little guy's life and future that he might grow to be a Godly man, and might touch the lives of all he comes into contact with in an amazing way!<br /><br />The second thing i wanted to talk about today is blessings. Last night Dh prompted a discussion at the dinner table about what we were thankful for, which seemed odd to me, being Christmas, not thanksgiving, but its never the wrong day to be thankful, so i thought hard about it, and what i came up with is that I'm thankful for the blessings that God provides that we 1. don't know about. or 2. don't realize are blessings at the time, like say... me getting pregnant with ALEX well before planned, and 3. blessings that you know are blessings but don't know the depth of that blessing. The most ready example of that is the twins. We THOUGHT we had been blessed with a new baby growing in me for Christmas last year, and we were SORT of right! What we didn't know is obvious now! that we had not one but TWO babies on the way!!! I wonder how many blessings we recieve that we don't even KNOW the magnitude of that we may not come to discover till months or years later or maybe never? it just reminded me how bountifully our Lord blesses us!!Rebecca K.http://www.blogger.com/profile/16890819248976415947noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4940405765112559545.post-23421703719654381162009-11-25T22:23:00.000-08:002009-11-25T22:36:16.391-08:00Fun times!!Yesterday was about the funnest day in AGES! Andy came home at like 9:30, they had too many people scheduled so they let him leave early (YAY!! till we get next week's paycheck anyway!) and so we went out with just the twins and went to get my bloodwork done, HUGE long wait, and then went out for greek pizza buffet, at the former "its greek to me" which now has become "Viggianos" and isn't nearly as good... oh well. I was just as pleased as punch just to be able to TALK to my hubby. ITs been a rough stretch lately. then we ran some errands and went SHOPPING! woohoo! to Target with a gift card i still had from my baby shower. We bought a new scrabble, ours is thrashed, and hungry hungry hippos for thanksgiving, and a few other things. and finally we went home. We had all of about an hour before heading off to our evening appointment at the dr's for the twins and my crazy mama appt. <br /><br />The twins were doing well, aside from Elliott having some rattle in his chest, so the Dr. put him on liquid albuterol, which i've been told is wretched, but so far doesn't seem to be causing him any side affects that i can see. My meds got upped, which is probably a good thing. Andy doesn't like the side effects so much. He was like, "She DOUBLED that wretched medication?!?" Did i ever mention how much I LOVE our doctor? She is so awesomely family friendly, has a cute little practice out of a converted house, they always have Christian music playing and the receptionist, her sister is such a sweetie.. Not to mention Dr. herself! They are like family to us. SO COOL! I find i'm really appreciating the "God given family" connections we've been blessed with. <br /><br />Speaking of which i'm trying REALLY hard to have a good attitude about Thanksgiving! (to be thankful?!) its such a depressing time for me, since its just us. NOW, i know there's a LOT of us, and i shouldn't have an attitude, and its my job to be thankful in every circumstance. And i am, i'm just a bit melancholic remembering how Thanksgiving was when i was a kid with HUGE extended family get togethers, and even just a few years ago when our best friends the Matz' hosted at their church and we had SO much fun. What an amazing time of fellowship, and food and games... sigh.. so i'm determined to NOT let my attitude rub off on everyone else. Its NOT fair to them, and i know i'm still quite a bit down with the PPD AND my meds being increased means i'm going to be a bit wonky for a while. So if i am cry-ish, i'm going to hide out and do my best to put on a happy face. <br /><br />So this is me for now! i have done a TON of layouts, i really need to post to my scrappy blog! Typing time is at a premium lately.. <br /><br />later.. <br />RRebecca K.http://www.blogger.com/profile/16890819248976415947noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4940405765112559545.post-88561137925108809332009-11-23T09:17:00.000-08:002009-11-23T09:29:07.644-08:00Sick little twinnies....Ugg.. they have the really bad cough again, asher has the eye boogers again. Thankfully their well baby check is tomorrow anyway. And thankfully we have little planned this week! last week was a DOOZY. I'm kind of zombified right now too... Seriously, Elena from MOPS called last night wondering if i was going to be coming tomorrow to help with thanksgiving baskets and my mind went totally blank and i was like... no... i can't come.. i have school with the kids... LOL. I must have sounded so DUMB! The correct answer was "No, i can't come, i have sick babies and don't want to bring them out more than necessary." But my brain was so obliterated from being up nursing the little buggers all night last night that intelligent thought just escapes me! SERIOUSLY, its BAD! i was at my Dave Ramsey class last night and was trying to articulate WHY the lesson was not coming from a Christian worldview, and i sounded like a moron. ugg. It will be nice to get my brain back. <br /><br />Anyhow, an update on the little guys- At 4 mos old, Asher is coming in at a whopping 18 lbs 10 oz and Elliott is 17 lbs 3 oz. They are so precious and sweet and normally sleep really well. When they aren't coughing themselves awake they have been sleeping through the night for quite a while now. They have started noticing each other's presence and Elliott has MUCH better hand eye coordination and likes to hold asher's hand. Asher seems to appreciate that too but has a much harder time grasping elliott's hand, though he did get his thigh in a headlock and suck on his toes once. Here's a pic, its super cute <br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos-d.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc3/hs076.snc3/14350_1278274594294_1152874698_30849704_6603402_n.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 604px; height: 453px;" src="http://photos-d.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc3/hs076.snc3/14350_1278274594294_1152874698_30849704_6603402_n.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br />And while i'm at it, here's their 3 month portrait. Asher is on the left, and elliott on the right<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos-g.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc3/hs056.snc3/14350_1278274514292_1152874698_30849702_8103424_n.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 451px; height: 604px;" src="http://photos-g.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc3/hs056.snc3/14350_1278274514292_1152874698_30849702_8103424_n.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br />So... that's about it... they are starting to fuss, think its bottle time (for a change, LOL!!!!)<br />RRebecca K.http://www.blogger.com/profile/16890819248976415947noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4940405765112559545.post-37782716667650339362009-11-22T15:10:00.000-08:002009-11-22T15:26:48.108-08:00stuff...So I was thinking the past few days... never around a computer, YIKES, i should go delete that last post, and pretty much decided to do so, but then i thought, NO. Because the PURPOSE of this blog, one of them anyway, i also really appreciate the opportunity to unload, but the primary purpose of this blog is to share how God is working in my life, and God works in my life in ways that are not only positive but are negative, and scary and sad, and wrong. I don't mean that God's work is this way but the events in my life and the feelings they provoke. I think that is what makes my life so much of an amazing testimony to the power of God, that i AM so imperfect and prone to making mistakes! i have NO problem putting that out there, becuase its not ME that deserves the praise. I SO often get comments, well, bazillions of them in every possible type, but one thing i get a lot is "wow... you must be so.. (insert adjective here- Patient, etc.) and my reply is that NO! you can tell how much God is working on me by virtue of the fact that he gave me 7 children!! Its crucial that I, and YOU and everyone, maintains a right view of what is going on in your life. Triumphs are due to GOD ALONE. I can say definitively that it is NOT I that has caused success in my life. I didn't even KNOW what success looked like! i THOUGHT success was being a high powered attorney. God has given me the gift of being a good communicator. I'm good at articulating my thoughts, particularily in writing, and in arguing, picking out logical fallacies, etc, and being a lawyer SEEMED like the right course of action for a future career, but God quickly showed me otherwise- (Andy and Alex) And since then, its become clear to me that my skills are WELL utilized by being a mom, teacher and manager of our home. I think people seem to think that only stupid people would stay home and raise their children. I think that's why so many people consider raising children to be an afterthought. <br />Ie. "what do you do?" <br />"OH, i'm a bank teller" <br />Now, logically, this person would have MUCH greater impact in her mothering than as a bank teller, (no offense to bank teller's intended!) but women still tend to identify themselves with their PAID job, not their most IMPORTANT job. Anyway, while my job may not pay very well now, the payoff of 7 well balanced Christ centered, law abiding adults will be HUGE! (and i fully expect a WHOLE LOTTA GRANDCHILDREN! woohoo!)<br /><br />So now i must go, and i didn't even GET to my original planned typing- wanted to talk about church today. But that will have to wait till later because i can't spend all afternoon on the computer and i haven't even checked my email! whew, busy sunday!Rebecca K.http://www.blogger.com/profile/16890819248976415947noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4940405765112559545.post-7081991916522707042009-11-19T09:19:00.000-08:002009-11-19T10:01:12.191-08:00Slow fadeI saw this video on facebook and it blew me away.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n-8SYA6rfbs">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n-8SYA6rfbs</a><br /><br />Watch it- its worth your 5 minutes. It was really close to home for me because i've been there. Except it wasn't dh, it was me. <br /><br />If you've been reading my blog for awhile, there's a time period about a year ago when i completely fell apart. My life was crumbling, and it wasn't a good time to talk about it, but i'm ready now. I'm sharing my story because if you don't think it could happen to you, you are WRONG. It could happen to anyone, and i know this, because it happened to me. That's not to say that i have delusions of being this perfect person, i DON'T! However, i DO strive to serve the Lord in all that i do. I've made that choice to sacrifice MY will to being a servant to others and to God, and i take that VERY seriously. And i can testify to the fact that this can happen to ANYONE. <br /><br />Our family was close to another family we knew and had a lot in common with. We did so much together, we had so much in common and became quick friends. It wasn't long before things started to change. My relationship with Andy started to deteriorate. He was going through things in his life that were hard and instead of realizing he was having depressive issues and needed help, i took his coldness and distance personally and thought it was about me. At the same time, the male person in the couple we'd become close friends with was validating me, and we talked a lot and developed a close friendship. We talked about our marriage issues (um, WRONG!! alarm bell should have been sounding big time here!!) I didn't realize at that time that you can NOT be close friends with a member of the opposite sex when you are married, you just can't. <br /><br />I started to really look forward to his phone calls, and that was my first clue that something was WRONG, but i ignored it. Truth be told, i LIKED it and didn't really want things to change. Teresa was there for me the whole time, and from the time i called her and told her the unspeakable, she was there replacing my irrational thoughts with TRUTH. She was one of the people i credit with saving my life, literally, because when it all came out, i was NOT interested in life much at all.<br /><br />I knew that i had to make a choice one way or another because no matter how cruddy i thought Andy was at this point, he sure did deserve better than this. So i told him. At that point he was watching me like a hawk, understandably, and things just got worse and worse. Everything came to a head on our 14th anniversary, when andy showed up home early from work with a dozen roses, a starbucks and a beautiful card. at this point i realized- this man LOVES ME. And you know what? i love him too! we have 5 beautiful children together, we can work this out. And i told him i was willing to surrender my life to him and completely end whatever twisted relationship i had going on with this other guy. We went for a LONG walk and talked and talked. And that further cemented my choice. <br /><br />That afternoon, i met with the other guy, and the unspoken became spoken and i told him that i had strong feelings for him but i needed to choose my family. The fact is that when you have 2 spouses and 8 children between two couples, you just don't have the luxury of being able to make whatever choice you want, because it ISN'T all about you anymore!! It was weird- really really WEIRD, and that sucked. And what sucked more, is that he immediately told his wife. and that REALLY REALLY sucked because it turned my whole life into one awkward mess. We were a LOT of places at the same time, and it had become one mess of weirdness. I finally told a mutual friend, that i REALLY thought was going to hate my guts when i told her the truth, and she was THERE for me every step of the way she was so sensitive and kind, and loving. She is what a true Christian is, loving in the face of sin.<br /><br />So then i ended up going to MOPS which was a whole nother God-thing, but i don't have long to type so i'll keep it short, and i was placed at my friend Stacy's table. She immediately struck me as someone who knew what she was talking about i could tell immediately that she was a believer. Our table went out on mom's nights and eventually i told the ladies at my table what happened, and Stacy in particular, since she often gave me rides places. I was a MESS. I had pretty much given up on life and felt overwhelmingly like a complete failure. I felt unforgivable, unlovable, betrayed, angry, just a litany of destructive emotions. Stacy spoke TRUTH to me and managed to convince me that i was NOT unforgivable, that none of what i'd told myself repeatedly was true and that God had a purpose for even all this, that SOME day i could use all that to glorify HIM. WOW, what a breath of fresh air, and truth be told, it took me a while to absorb and believe it. Really, lots of others had tried to tell me the same things, but my thoughts focused only on those telling me that i was rotten. It was hard to hear that i was simply a person who made a MISTAKE. <br /><br />There's still aftermath to all that going down. I got pregnant a month later (surprise! and then a few months later found it it was TWINS! (DOUBLE surprise!) and so our life has again shifted into the realm of the insane unknown but what has changed is my attitude. I KNOW now that God is with me, I thank him every day for providing those people that helped me through this time period and acknowledge HIM as the one who provided those gems and kept me alive when i very much didn't want to be, and as being the one who out of the mess of my marriage created not one but TWO immortal souls. WOW! I have been trying to apologize for a while to the woman who's husband i coveted and its not going well, but i suppose i'll keep trying, and keep in perspective how I'D feel, were the tables turned. I'm just trying to do the right thing, and its still really hard because the negative thoughts still come up, and i have to remind myself WHO i am. Its a struggle, but i'm pressing on. And Stacy was right, this CAN and WILL be used to as a testimony of what our God can do.Rebecca K.http://www.blogger.com/profile/16890819248976415947noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4940405765112559545.post-12813300568851688882009-10-28T11:12:00.000-07:002009-10-28T11:19:05.236-07:00how things are goingFirst, i need to point out my wonderfully brilliant son, Alex, helped to put together the super cute scrolling family icon thingy on the side of the page, after a tutorial posted by <a href="http://scrapperqueen.blogspot.com/">Lucy Chesna</a> on facebook. Thanks Lucy! Thanks Alex! super cute! really had to crunch those little people in there, LOL, gotta love having a big family, its a bit like real life :-D <br /><br />Ok, so anyway, things are going pretty well.. after gettin ga brief but nasty cold on monday, i took my cold calm all day and by yesterday was feeling much better. Today i'm pretty much back to normal but am still taking it easy. I think my new meds are working. Its been a week now and i'm not as absent minded, i'm not crying nearly as much and i'm not having the problem where i forget what i did 5 minutes prior. Seriously, i was really stressing out because i had to dump several bottles of formula because after doing the first scoop, i couldn't remember if i'd done 2 scoops or just 1. i also was having issues remembering if i'd taken my meds or not, so i'm glad that my new meds come on pages that you break one out, so i can do the math if i think i've forgotten. This PPD has been so weird! Anyway, i'm doing much better, and while i'm still really emotional i'm doing better. I'm taking the rest of the week off school and trying to get the house in order. Today the goal is decluttering. and scrapping. :-)Rebecca K.http://www.blogger.com/profile/16890819248976415947noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4940405765112559545.post-9438197127433338932009-10-22T09:31:00.001-07:002009-10-22T09:47:20.122-07:00new plan of attack.Ok, so my old plan of trying to improve every aspect of my life simultaneously has completely crashed and burned, so I decided to take the rest of the week off from school and just focus on taking care of myself and the babies. I don't think andy is particularly pleased about that but its totally necessary. I need time for the new meds to start to work. And i'm prepared to do the same next week if necessary. I'm making sure i'm doing my walking every day, my Bible study every day, and everything else is frosting. Well, not entirely, i am keeping up with cooking, which is surprisingly easy not being on bedrest anymore, and am not loosening up on finances and bargain shopping because we can't afford to. Finances are also at crisis point so i'm dealing with crises and letting non crises go right now. I feel totally justified in that because our school year has so far gone BETTER than any other year, despite having 4 to teach, a 3yo human tornado, and newborn twins. So its all good, we'll just hold our 6 week schedule for next week and it will be fine. So anyway, i have a new plan and i'm feeling confident. OH and today walking, my side didn't hurt until 11 minutes in, unlike the usual 8 :-)Rebecca K.http://www.blogger.com/profile/16890819248976415947noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4940405765112559545.post-33072338318957144832009-10-21T09:55:00.000-07:002009-10-21T09:59:35.890-07:00todaymy meds aren't working. So my dr. prescribed new ones. We shall see... i've been totally whacked out lately.. really super confused. I try to say one thing, and something else comes out. I don't know what the date is, even the month usually, and i'm having a really hard time reading people. I feel like i'm losing my mind. My dr. said it could either be the post partum depression itself or the meds i'm taking so i started on a different class of meds, the ones similar to effexor, which worked well last time, This one is called pristiq. Hoping it works, i'm really wonky lately. I'm going to try to chill out a little and not expect so much from myself, My strategy of turning my life around singlehandedly in one week isn't working so well, and i just feel like a failure at everything. Hoping today is a better day than yesterday, and tomorrow is a better day than today...Rebecca K.http://www.blogger.com/profile/16890819248976415947noreply@blogger.com1