how things are going

First, i need to point out my wonderfully brilliant son, Alex, helped to put together the super cute scrolling family icon thingy on the side of the page, after a tutorial posted by Lucy Chesna on facebook. Thanks Lucy! Thanks Alex! super cute! really had to crunch those little people in there, LOL, gotta love having a big family, its a bit like real life :-D

Ok, so anyway, things are going pretty well.. after gettin ga brief but nasty cold on monday, i took my cold calm all day and by yesterday was feeling much better. Today i'm pretty much back to normal but am still taking it easy. I think my new meds are working. Its been a week now and i'm not as absent minded, i'm not crying nearly as much and i'm not having the problem where i forget what i did 5 minutes prior. Seriously, i was really stressing out because i had to dump several bottles of formula because after doing the first scoop, i couldn't remember if i'd done 2 scoops or just 1. i also was having issues remembering if i'd taken my meds or not, so i'm glad that my new meds come on pages that you break one out, so i can do the math if i think i've forgotten. This PPD has been so weird! Anyway, i'm doing much better, and while i'm still really emotional i'm doing better. I'm taking the rest of the week off school and trying to get the house in order. Today the goal is decluttering. and scrapping. :-)

new plan of attack.

Ok, so my old plan of trying to improve every aspect of my life simultaneously has completely crashed and burned, so I decided to take the rest of the week off from school and just focus on taking care of myself and the babies. I don't think andy is particularly pleased about that but its totally necessary. I need time for the new meds to start to work. And i'm prepared to do the same next week if necessary. I'm making sure i'm doing my walking every day, my Bible study every day, and everything else is frosting. Well, not entirely, i am keeping up with cooking, which is surprisingly easy not being on bedrest anymore, and am not loosening up on finances and bargain shopping because we can't afford to. Finances are also at crisis point so i'm dealing with crises and letting non crises go right now. I feel totally justified in that because our school year has so far gone BETTER than any other year, despite having 4 to teach, a 3yo human tornado, and newborn twins. So its all good, we'll just hold our 6 week schedule for next week and it will be fine. So anyway, i have a new plan and i'm feeling confident. OH and today walking, my side didn't hurt until 11 minutes in, unlike the usual 8 :-)

today

my meds aren't working. So my dr. prescribed new ones. We shall see... i've been totally whacked out lately.. really super confused. I try to say one thing, and something else comes out. I don't know what the date is, even the month usually, and i'm having a really hard time reading people. I feel like i'm losing my mind. My dr. said it could either be the post partum depression itself or the meds i'm taking so i started on a different class of meds, the ones similar to effexor, which worked well last time, This one is called pristiq. Hoping it works, i'm really wonky lately. I'm going to try to chill out a little and not expect so much from myself, My strategy of turning my life around singlehandedly in one week isn't working so well, and i just feel like a failure at everything. Hoping today is a better day than yesterday, and tomorrow is a better day than today...

today

i am very excited, I finished Numbers yesterday and will begin 1st Corinthians tomorrow, or monday. i'm doing a "read through the Bible" book, and started at genesis and acts concurrently, because really, after getting through the exodus segment, you really need a pick me up! LOL. But its going really well and the Lord has blessed me greatly. I totally think that's why i'm surviving this time in my life. Whenever i'm up in time Bible time comes first, even before walking, which i used to do first, to wake myself up more, but the symbolism got the better of me and now i do the Bible study first. So anyway, If you are not currently reading through the Bible, i highly recommend starting!! i'm using "Today's light Bible, a 2 year journey through the Bible" and really like it.

So what's up... the babies are sick. they have the flu and Asher is getting pink eye too :-( I hope i'm not getting it too, i woke up this morning and my eyes hurt and were red and watery. Of course its allergy season so they are ALWAYS red, watery and hurt, so we shall see! think i need to take Asher to the dr. today. I am very very bummed because we'd planned to have a new friend and her family over tonight. She's from the multiples group and is expecting TRIPLETS in the winter, and she already has 4 kids. We have a TON in common and i was really looking forward to this time of fellowship. But getting the flu could be deadly for her and since my kiddos are always glomming on the babies, chances are very good they'll be coming down with it in a few days and its not worth the risk to possibly infect Heather and/or her family.

So that's my sob story for the day. Its a pretty busy one. I'm up now with Elliott, who, strangely enough was the one nursing all night.. Asher slept really well. I'm noticing he's a "sleep a lot and be obscure" kind of sick kid, much like Alex, and not a whiny, "take care of me all the time" sick like Nikolas. Anyway, Andy is at Mens' breakfast at church and i'm getting ready to trade places with him, at 10 i've got L-Team training. I'm going to be hosting a scrapbooking L-Team at our church. Which i'm very much looking forward to.

That reminds me, i got into a scrapbooking fight with andy last night :-( haven't had one of those in a super long time... he thought i was ignoring him :-( i was just so darn babied out that i REALLY needed some creative time. I felt bad to make him feel neglected, but i was SO wiggin out.. and after I made a layout, i felt SO much better... sigh... i so wish i could balance it all better. Its really hard having 2 babies because they alternate schedules mostly, and there's always someone in my face! especially when they are sick, its very trying. :-(

OH and more good news!! Alex casually asked me last night if i thought we'd qualify now for Habitat for Humanity, and i was like, no, probably not, but i'll go check... Well, i did and we DO!! as long as utilities are factored into housing costs (that makes our housing costs above the 30% gross, though i think we'd still be over with just rent too) so HOPEFULLY, we'll go to an information session about that next saturday morning.

Well that's about it, and Nik is up, so i'm about to get my ear talked off :-) which is a good thing. I like that one :-) I hope whoever is reading this has a very blessed weekend.

the latest...

Just posting a basic status update...

Things are going pretty well, not as well as i'd like but i'll take Heather's suggestion (thanks girl! you are AWESOME!) and praise the Lord for allowing me to progress as much as i have, even if its not where i WANT to be. i'd ask that anyone who is willing continue to pray for me. i'm having some relational issues, that i really cant' get into, and i think i might be having mood issues as well. Not sure the meds are working very well.

I've had the most chaotic, manic depressive weekened EVER! just the widest range imaginable.. First, i went to the new member's tea for the Tacoma parents of multiples club, which was AWESOME, except that i didn't realize we were supposed to come SANS babies! OOPS! i was the ONLY one that brought the babies, aak! i felt so awkward and embarrased. BUT i got to connect with another mom who is expecting triplets and already has 4, and i feel like we have a ton in common and it was nice for her and her dh and me and MY dh to get to hang out and talk! So overall a great experience! THEN, my dh took me to the brand spankin new scrapbook store in Tacoma! which was gorgeous. What a great experience to actually TOUCH the products you see online. its amazing how different they can be than the pictures. Usually different in the sense of BETTER, as far as weight, texture, etc. Color is really only a small part of the experience.

So anyway, who do you suppose i ran into at the LSS?!?! Only THE HEIDI GRACE!!!! WAY! i swear! i so wish i had my camera! but she'll be at the open house on the 24th, as well as teaching a class i think so i'll be looking forward to that! How exciting! i also inquired as to if they were looking for design team members and instructors, both of which were YES's so i just need to bring in some samples and might possibly get to be on the team, which would be fantastic.

So then we went home, back to our house with a TON of work to be done... this was the beginning of the bad part... I worked super hard, didn't get to scrap at ALL the entire weekend, and barely got a dent made. We decided we were going to work on the yard as family time, and that sorta morphed into cleaning out the truck and then working on the lawn so very little got done. Besides that, the babies were being difficult so andy couldn't help and the kids have been very difficult and minimally hepful lately, and i was just out in teh back yard, bawling my eyes out, overwhelmed, alone, frustrated... THIS is what happens when i don't take time to scrap. I feel like a machine and cry all the time. LESSON LEARNED! ugg... i just need to deal with the house being a mess and move on!!

There's lots of things i have to learn to deal with and one of them is dealing with people not liking me. WHY WHY WHY is it such a big deal to me?! i have NO clue, but there's a particular person that i used to be friends with who very clearly does NOT like me and its obvious there's no changing that on my part. The thing is i did something to hurt her and have tried to apologize but i don't think she cares and that's it. Our relationship is over and i just have to move on and try to just ignore the weirdness. I hate the weirdness. Oh well.. such is life. I'm hoping for a CALMER week this week, and i'm coming to a place where i'll gladly take BORING over happy exciting coupled with devastatingly sad.