My quest for a new life!

I am on a quest to change my life. I'm taking just about everything that is wrong in my life and changing it, mostly all at once. Here's what i'm doing

- money- i'm taking the financial peace university, and HOPING to change our really realy bad money situation.

- fitness- i'm walking again, loops around the culdesac.
- diet- yeah, not so much. HOping to get to this one when i'm not so darn stressed out!

- sleep reduction- covered! thanks to my twin alarm clocks.

-getting back into the Word- Yep! doing pretty well.

-intellectual- i'm listening to Bible lessons on the MP3 player while i walk. i hope to be able to read BOOKS again soon :-)

-marriage- have committed financially and timewise to a weekly date lunch with Andy, with just he, me, and the twins. it functions as our alone time and our parent/teacher conference time :)

-homeschooling- doing REALLY well so far this week. we arent' getting EVERYTHING i have planned done, but pretty close, and we are doing WAY better than last year despite having 2 newborns so i'm pretty excited!

church- i decided i was going to FORCE myself to GET OVER the issues i have with anotehr couple in our church and start going back to sunday school classes and other stuff and not try to avoid events that they might be at, which i did last year and it was a disaster.

Mental health- taking my PPD meds and working REALLY hard to not be suicidal. This post partum period has been REALLY hard, way harder than the others, and i've been having a lot of stray thoughts i can't get rid of but dr. P. upped my meds and i'm walking to maintain my natural highs or whatever, and Andy is keeping a close eye on me and i'm trying to keep busy enough NOT to think.

What else?! i know there is more? I know it sounds like biting off WAY more than i can chew, and i'm thinking it probably is, but after 4 mos on bedrest and another 2 on restriction from my csection, i have a PROFOUND need to get my life back together. And so far its working well. If you remember, could you pray for me? because a crash and burn at this point could be disastrous. But things are going well, and i TRUST that God would not bring me THIS far just to knock me out. kwim?? Here's my progress report for the last couple weeks. i'm COOKING again! like just about EVERY night! i'M SO proud of myself about that!!! i'm having my morning bible study and walking each morning pretty consistently, shooting for 5x a week, but at least 3 times a week, including last week, which was the first week of school, so not bad. I'm actually really looking forward to my walk, which gives me some much needed adult time, me and my mp3 player. I can listen to Cindy Rushton seminars, or Bible studies, or good upbeat Christian music. Its a good thing.

Life is an adventure. and that's where i'm at now, 2 months into the twin baby experience.

Today

The babies are 6 weeks old.. not exactly, just approximately. They are so precious. I LOVE LOVE LOVE being a mom of twins, though it certainly has its caveats. Namely the sleep thing. But also the constancy of our extended morning feedings. Its just really quite BORING. But i'm doing my best to stay focused and think about the positive. There's SO MUCH positive. My little Asher and Ellie are so precious. They really like me a whole lot, which is so much fun after having the last 3 who were really daddy's boy/girls These ones just adore me, in fact when i go somewhere without them, Elliott gets really fussy, he just wants to be with me, which i didn't realize would be the case when bottle feeding. We breastfeed too, but supplement with formula, which i'm finding to be incredibly convenient. I'm being careful to nurse enough to not lose my milk supply because this winter in particular they could really use the antibodies. I'm getting really good at typing with a baby laying on my chest. it amazes me that less than 2 months ago they both lived inside of me, no WONDER i was so enormous! Now i'm grappling with serious body image issues. I lost like 60 some pounds, and i have a BAD case of twin skin, and feel really droopy and unattractive. I guess that just goes with the territory, and my hormones feel all whacked out, time to up the crazy pills i think :-)

Anyway, i'm scrapping up a storm lately, check out my scrappy blog http://shessomekindofcrazy.blogspot.com if you'd like to see what i've been making. Its such a stress reliever for me.

So let's see.. what's up with the babies? They just this last week grew out of all their newborn clothes and they wear size 1/2 diapers from costco or either 1 or 2 diapers from elsewhere... they both have these really unfortunate hairlines, they look like 45 year old men with no hair on top and fuzzy hair on the back and sides. Asher can roll from belly to back, has been for a couple weeks, and elliott can push up a LOT on my chest. I think because he's so LIGHT, especially compared to his brother! He's a fireball, he cries a lot more than Asher, and starts out in full panic mode, he doesn't work up to it, just all out WAIL from the getgo. Asher is much more laid back, he starts out like a normal baby whimpering, then slighly more, then more then WAIL! We've discovered we can't dress them the same if we want to know who they are... while we can tell them apart, we usually need to look pretty closely, so its very helpful to keep elliott in blue and asher in NOT blue.

Anyway, life is happening and i have got to run! getting ready to post more layouts to my scrappy blog.

update

Well, i'm taking a break from the screaminess for a while, and socking my poor dh with the responsibilities as I am in serious need of downtime. This happens occasionally, and i think it really can't be helped. I've never been a person who needed much if any quiet, but i'm definately THERE!! after constant noise, and with 2 babies, crying is MUCH more frequent than with any of my other babies just because the logistics of getting their needs both met is difficult.

So anyway, the twins are 4 weeks old yesterday, and they are sweet and precious... seriously, they are amazing. I'm so glad we were blessed with them. I need to make a dr. appointment since one of them has thrush i think. UGG- gross. I am so hoping i can just bring the ONE in, and get a prescription for all 3 of us, the double copays are getting OLD! Nursing is NOT much fun right now. I'm super sore. I don't think its due to the potential thrush, just from nursing so darn much and i tend to get really sore with ONE baby, I'm trying really hard to talk myself into continuing nursing, which i'm having a difficult time convincing myself of right now. But for now anyway, i'm toughing it out, even though it feels like that's ALL i do these days..

I am so emotional lately, and i'm pretty sure its normal hormonalness, i'm on my PPD meds, and they seem to be working for the most part, so that's good, no distorted thoughts, etc, which is good. I've had ppd progressively worse with each child so with them being my 6th and 7th and both together, i was very concerned. I'm looking forward to hitting 6 weeks so i can start exercising again. I lost 65 lbs but now i'm up like 5 lbs from my lowest weight :-( which is not cool. NOT impressed with that, but what can i do. Anyway, for the most part, twins is REALLY not all that hard, its not as hard as you'd imagine 2 babies. The hardest part is trying to meet their needs both at the same time. When we have a good routine, life is much smoother, i wake them up (they still sleep a LOT) every 3 hours, but i don't wake them at the same time, like i'll wake up whoever is stirring more, change his diaper, and feed him, then a bit later wake up the other one and change and feed him. Or sometimes i'll breastfeed one and bottle feed the other simultaneously, and if i'm REALLY ambitious i'll breast feed both with my crazy nursing pillow. Oh and at night, i let them sleep as much as possible. Though, I will sometimes wake up the second one when the first one wakes up. Anyway, i'm exhausted and rambling on like an idiot, like i tend to do when i'm exhausted.... sigh... tomorrow is going to go smoother, i'm convinced of it. And this weekend, i'm going to buy D batteries for the swing, since it just ran out... sigh...

Elliott's birth page

I'm going to post both here and on my scrappy blog.... i SCRAPPED yesterday! AWESOME! i was so needing a creative outlet! And i really like how this one turned out!

2 weeks old and one day

So much is going on with us now... Grandpa had to go back to Minnesota... SNIFF... it was so wonderful having him here. It always is, he's an outstanding houseguest. He's helpful, courteous, etc. But this time in particular... WOW. Anyway, he left yesterday morning, and that was hard, but we are doing ok. The babies are still sleeping most of the time. they wake up a few times a night to eat, which is totally normal, but the one who's REALLY having sleeping issues is Leif. He's having a heck of a time with everything.

As for me, i'm doing OK. I'm really trying hard not to stress about him going back to work next wednesday... even though i think i might just not survive that!!! I'm HUGELY hormonal lately and am finding myself frequently in a panic, and also fairly frequently crying about nothing at all. Its insane. CONSCIOUSLY i know none of this is helping anything at all, but its so overwhelming. I am hoping it will level off soon. I'm also really self conscious lately.. i've lost 58 lbs this pregnancy, between being sick and my new gestational diabetic diet, i get the priviledge of stepping on the scale each morning to find i'm a lb or two lighter than the last :-) very cool. However, i feel like even though the scale indicates i've lost weight, that i really don't look any better at all. You can see it in my face but come on! my face was the only part of me that DIDN'T need to lose weight!!! Andy insists that i have, and that he can tell, and he insists i'm not hideous, But i totally feel like it right now with the whole hanging belly skin. BLECH.

One thing that is really striking me lately is the importance of not taking a single moment for granted and not wishing away something in favor of what seems like something better coming later.. I'm trying to not even wish it was payday, because there's so much in the moment to enjoy. I think these guys are probably my last babies and that makes me really sad in a way, but more so, it makes me resolved to enjoy every second of their babyhood. Its all such an amazing gift and that reality is NOT lost on me. I GET that and i really want to be the kind of person who can appreciate and enjoy that. So anyway, so many thoughts flying around in my head, had to capture a few of them on blog... off to bathe myself and hopefully the little guys!

a pictorial birth story

ok, i'm pretty sure its big enough to read the words, just click on the picture and it will get bigger. :-)

babies!!!

birth story is still forthcoming, but thought i'd post some pics :-)
these were taken by Sherronna and James when the came to visit yesterday, 3 days old for the twins. I posted these because they are WAY nicer than my pictures but i'll still post my original pics when i post my birth story, if that might ever happen.... :-) Anyway, Asher is the baby in the red. He was born second and is the biggest, his birth weight being 7 lbs 13 oz. Elliott is the cutie in the blue. He was born first, and is the shrimpy one at 7 lbs even. We are not yet sure if they are identical. They appear to be identical, with a few minor differences, likely attributable to being nearly a pound different in weight, but we could easily find out as the weeks go on that they are fraternal. We will most likely do a dna test just to make sure, as it makes a big difference medically for their future :-) Anyway, wanted to post this quick since i had a second...