24 week appointment

Was today... and it was nightmarish, but with a good outcome. I'll explain. First, the babies are doing great, and i'm NOT dialating, so that's good.

What is nightmarish? well from the very beginning, it was SOMETHING. First the ultrasound. Baby A was COMPLETELY still. And it took a LONG time to find his heartbeat because he was all wrapped up around himself, kind of wadded up in a ball, and when i THOUGHT i saw his heart, NOT moving, it was really his stomach, the US tech showed me his heart which was a bit obscured but visibly beating. thank GOD! but it was a HORRIBLE few seconds there.

Ok, so NEXT, was the awful icky SPECULUM and while we'd decided to do my pap AFTER the babies were born, he figured why not go ahead and do it since he was doing a vaginal ultrasound anyway :-( :-( Well, my cervix is hard to access, and it was SO SO SOOO uncomfortable, not to mention psychologically with my ISSUES with being around strange men half naked. Well, it didn't work. So no pap, no cervical swab to look for preterm labor but we were able to see that my cervix was still nice and long, meaning i'm not dialating, which is awesome. So the next goal is to get to 28 weeks, then to 32, and then to 35 or so. The babies are really big. He kept marveling over and over about how big they are. Well, big deal, my babies are ALL big. They were still healthy and just fine. Not everyone follows a perfect chart of averageness. So they are in the 94th and 95th percentile and thought to be about 1 lb 12 oz so far :-) Which "I" anyway, think is a good thing!!!!

So then i went to the part of the appt afterword where we go over my blood sugar and all that.. basically, its not great but its not bad enough to warrant insulin so that's awesome. I'm kind of all over the place. But i do have to make pretty serious changes to my diet and be super super deliberate about EVERY little thing i eat. and i'm grumpy and chocolate deprived, and NOT happy about the whole situation, i'm doing it anyway, except that tonight i'm having a peice of Chloe's birthday cake and thats completely non-negotiable, so there.

I can't have my carnation instant breakfast anymore for breakfast which completely SUCKS because its the ONLY thing that appeals to me and i'm SICK of being nauseated all the time and just want to eat what feels good. I know, selfish.

Ok, so then we got into restrictions. No more grocery shopping unless i'm in a motorized cart or wheelchair. That just seems WEIRD to me, and I already feel like a freak on display. Especially when alex points out to EVERYONE that i'm having twins, at which point you can see people mentally counting my children, and making some sort of shocked gesture. Well, get over it people! UGG. ANd i HATE being dependent on others for stuff. Especially Andy. If i want something, i have to rely on HIM to get it, and that just plain SUCKS! i HATE IT, i want to do it myself.

So anyway, the last half a week or so has been trying, really really hard... as you can probably tell by my fabulous mood right now, and today just added to it all. At least my dad is back in MN now. It was a HARD visit, and he's coming again next month, and honestly, i don't know how i'm going to find the emotional where with all to be able to deal with it. He's demanding, and ALWAYS gets his way, and I have to cram all my kids into one small bedroom, and he doesn't have any kind of idea what is realistic for us as a large family. Honestly, i dont' know how i'm going to deal with that. My sister's coming too at least which is awesome. But i just feel like i have SO MUCH stress right now, that i can't take anymore, but he doesn't take no for an answer. I have NO power in this relationship. He gets his way, ALWAYS. I'm SO FRUSTRATED.

Anyway, this is my life right now. Hope i can post more positively next time. PRAYERS PLEASE!!!!
Rebecca