TODAY

Today something cool happened! we went to church today, which was wretched... church has been rough for a variety of reasons, and then we went to costco, at which point i was in a FLAMING bad mood and had to deal with costco on top of it.. so we got the most basic of groceries... Budget is IMPOSSIBLE, but decided, that's IT screw the impossible budget, i'm buying groceries! ugg.. anyway, so we got hotdogs afterward at the lunch place there, and while we were eating an elderly lady came up to me and was like "I knew you were Christian even before your family prayed... you are so kind to your children and they are so well behaved. You really stand out and people around you are watching, and you are influencing them." I was just flabbergasted... WHAT a gift, and how i needed that kind of encouragement today!!! Totally a God thing, i must say. Its great that even when everything is completely in the pits, God will send a message that He's still there.
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Rebecca

BRAAAAAGGGG!!!!!!!

OH MY GOSH! ok, so i normally save this kind of thing for my art blog, but i just had to brag all over the place about this one!!!!!

I participated in an online crop last weekend, and one of the challenges was a contest sponsored by several scrappy companies It was merit-based and there was lots of entries... and... and... and...

And I WON!!!! here's the blurb

has teamed up with EK Success this weekend to help celebrate their Crop Scene Investigation Celebration. What we have for you is one HUMONGOUS Grand Prize, $100 worth of products from EK, K&Coand Inkadinkado!

We had some fantastic entries for this contest! I sure hope everyone takes a peek at the layouts and leaves a little praise too. The CT knocked their heads together to vote on their favorite layouts......

and the grand prize winner of the $100 prize pack is.... mamakven

MOPS

Did i mention i LOVE mops??? oh my gosh, things totally have been looking up since my last post... first, i drove to mops, and it was so calm and peaceful out... i've really come to love a calm gray sky! and oak leaves scattered all over the ground cascading over cars... man, i love FALL! So then i got to MOPS and we did a craft and that was really fun, and we had the most awesome breakfast! i so need more protien in my breakfasts!!! and then we won a contest at our table and what did we win??? YEP, you guessed it, CHOCOLATE!! AAAAKKK! but i'm being very good, its in my bag and i'm going to wrap it all pretty like and give it to andy when he gets home and ask him to please not eat it in front of me, LOL! I just feel so renewed and refreshed, and excited about the rest of the day. Its nice getting out of the house once in a while!
i should think of something cool to surprise andy with when he gets home... hmmm... any ideas?

ok..

So i had a glorious walk today... wow, nothing quite compares to getting out there, getting sweaty and then taking a fabulous cool shower... ahhh....

But again, walking provokes thinking... and the fact is, my heart is broken. PERIOD. i've not gotten over it... i have a fabulous dh who is willing to hold me at night while i cry and cry, which helps... WOW, does it ever, but i am still a very fractured person. And i don't want to be that way. Every fiber of my being is screaming RUN. LEAVE, don't come back. But i can't. We are stuck here... and i'm stuck in a situation that is really rough. And i so wish i could escape. And WHY did i think nixing CHOCOLATE was a good idea?????? There just comes a point where you just have to GET OVER IT. Its not like i'm a stranger to betrayal. So right now, i'm using God's word to fight back, and i'm clarifying in my own mind WHO it is that i'm fighting against, because who i WANT to fight is just another frail broken person. And that's not my enemy. I still wish we could move. Deep breath.... this too will pass...

Still haven't heard anything about my sister.... i wish someone would call me. I wonder if its public record yet...

Tweet Tweet!!

Ok, so i just joined twitter.... https://twitter.com/mamakven so all you becca groupies can come follow me there Ha!! LOL. I still wonder if anyone actually reads this blog, or if i'm just carrying on an intriguing conversation with myself, which would be not much different from the auditory conversation i carry on with myself daily, since i'm a strangely visual AND auditory person... i'm the one you see in the grocery store contemplating out loud whether i want butterscotch or banana pudding :p But at the same time i communicate better with the written word than verbally. Particularily if there's some kind of emotional investment on my part or something that's a passion of mine, i just sort of gum up and say something stupid, when in reality i'm a pretty darn good communicator, just not so much verbally! Except when debating... i think i'm the only person on the face of the earth that would love to go back to high school. Ok, not entirely but i LOVE LOVE LOVED being a debater. What power! I could kick some serious @ss and it was AWESOME! Real life has very little power. Ah well. Anyway, if you read this and have twitter, or need another way to waste time on the internet, come find me!!

Chocolate, ET AL.

I don't think i mentined that i'm giving up chocolate! Not chocolate in its entirety, i'm still having my morning mocha, and chocolate peanut butter ice cream. I mean you can't drop EVERYTHING awesome all at once, right?? But my chocolate tupperware thing i keep in my scrappy area that's been filled with halloween candy has been depleted, The kids halloween candy is depleted too, LOL so that helps. Basically i need to lose weight. I'm having MAJOR MAJOR MAJOR self image issues right now which is WEIRD because this hasn't been an issue for me since high school. Something happened which effectively knocked me down a few pegs, and my fabulous new mentor Stacy things i could really use some successes. I agree. So step one, giving up my chocolate. Whatever isn't a help is a hindrance, and as much as i love reeses, they are NOT a help. Also i'm trying to get back on track exercising. its been rough because i've been sick repeatedly, and sick is my major excuse for not getting up at 530 and exercising! but i'm on the mend and hopefully tomorrow will be the day! I REALLY want to start losing weight and more importantly getting healthy because i could get pregnant at any time basically, and when i DO get pregnant, i'm a vomiting bundle of gross and really can't function well, and my muscles tend to atrophy, and i lose weight, but not good weight, muscle weight, and it is a LOT of work to give birth, I thought i was going to DIE when i had Leif, i was so exhausted. And i want to prevent that happening again. So anyway, cheer me on!! excercise is NOT my forte!! i'll enjoy getting back into my Cindy seminars though!!!

One more thing. Can I ask for your prayers? today 2 major things are happening.. my grandmother is getting a much needed surgery, and she's old and frail even though she's tough as nails :-) and My sister has her drunk driving hearing which in all likelyhood is going to go very badly for her. I just request that you all pray for God's will in each of these events and that regardless of what happens may it glorify God and promote healing for each of these special women in my life.

Thank you!!
Rebecca

Baruch Hashem

My dad called tonight and gleefully asked me if i remembered what "Baruch Hashem" means. I replied... Hmm... not exactly... and he quickly quipped "Praise be His name" His mood had drastically improved since yesterday when i talked to him. We are currently very close. This is not always the case. Usually, it is more like we are quite distant, even hostile. But right now things are good. He mentioned Baruch Hashem, because things had improved drastically for him and his business, and he was letting me know that he would be able to loan me some money next month for my impending potential ROOT CANALS! AAAAAAK!!! that's a whole nother story. But it occurred to me that Yes, BARUCH HASHEM! I may have a nasty case of the flu, be getting over a massive rejection and layers upon layers of humiliation resulting from that... money might be impossibly tight, I might be having a really bad hair day and smell kind of "OFF" and i might be drifting in and out of deep depression, but regardless of what the day brings, BARUCH HASHEM! Because somehow, i know that the Lord is going to make miracles happen for me. I'm exhausted and beat down and lonely and sad, but BARUCH HASHEM!!! Because tomorrow is another day and HE is right there with me, trudging through the muck.