ok..

So i had a glorious walk today... wow, nothing quite compares to getting out there, getting sweaty and then taking a fabulous cool shower... ahhh....

But again, walking provokes thinking... and the fact is, my heart is broken. PERIOD. i've not gotten over it... i have a fabulous dh who is willing to hold me at night while i cry and cry, which helps... WOW, does it ever, but i am still a very fractured person. And i don't want to be that way. Every fiber of my being is screaming RUN. LEAVE, don't come back. But i can't. We are stuck here... and i'm stuck in a situation that is really rough. And i so wish i could escape. And WHY did i think nixing CHOCOLATE was a good idea?????? There just comes a point where you just have to GET OVER IT. Its not like i'm a stranger to betrayal. So right now, i'm using God's word to fight back, and i'm clarifying in my own mind WHO it is that i'm fighting against, because who i WANT to fight is just another frail broken person. And that's not my enemy. I still wish we could move. Deep breath.... this too will pass...

Still haven't heard anything about my sister.... i wish someone would call me. I wonder if its public record yet...