update

Well, i'm taking a break from the screaminess for a while, and socking my poor dh with the responsibilities as I am in serious need of downtime. This happens occasionally, and i think it really can't be helped. I've never been a person who needed much if any quiet, but i'm definately THERE!! after constant noise, and with 2 babies, crying is MUCH more frequent than with any of my other babies just because the logistics of getting their needs both met is difficult.

So anyway, the twins are 4 weeks old yesterday, and they are sweet and precious... seriously, they are amazing. I'm so glad we were blessed with them. I need to make a dr. appointment since one of them has thrush i think. UGG- gross. I am so hoping i can just bring the ONE in, and get a prescription for all 3 of us, the double copays are getting OLD! Nursing is NOT much fun right now. I'm super sore. I don't think its due to the potential thrush, just from nursing so darn much and i tend to get really sore with ONE baby, I'm trying really hard to talk myself into continuing nursing, which i'm having a difficult time convincing myself of right now. But for now anyway, i'm toughing it out, even though it feels like that's ALL i do these days..

I am so emotional lately, and i'm pretty sure its normal hormonalness, i'm on my PPD meds, and they seem to be working for the most part, so that's good, no distorted thoughts, etc, which is good. I've had ppd progressively worse with each child so with them being my 6th and 7th and both together, i was very concerned. I'm looking forward to hitting 6 weeks so i can start exercising again. I lost 65 lbs but now i'm up like 5 lbs from my lowest weight :-( which is not cool. NOT impressed with that, but what can i do. Anyway, for the most part, twins is REALLY not all that hard, its not as hard as you'd imagine 2 babies. The hardest part is trying to meet their needs both at the same time. When we have a good routine, life is much smoother, i wake them up (they still sleep a LOT) every 3 hours, but i don't wake them at the same time, like i'll wake up whoever is stirring more, change his diaper, and feed him, then a bit later wake up the other one and change and feed him. Or sometimes i'll breastfeed one and bottle feed the other simultaneously, and if i'm REALLY ambitious i'll breast feed both with my crazy nursing pillow. Oh and at night, i let them sleep as much as possible. Though, I will sometimes wake up the second one when the first one wakes up. Anyway, i'm exhausted and rambling on like an idiot, like i tend to do when i'm exhausted.... sigh... tomorrow is going to go smoother, i'm convinced of it. And this weekend, i'm going to buy D batteries for the swing, since it just ran out... sigh...

Elliott's birth page

I'm going to post both here and on my scrappy blog.... i SCRAPPED yesterday! AWESOME! i was so needing a creative outlet! And i really like how this one turned out!

2 weeks old and one day

So much is going on with us now... Grandpa had to go back to Minnesota... SNIFF... it was so wonderful having him here. It always is, he's an outstanding houseguest. He's helpful, courteous, etc. But this time in particular... WOW. Anyway, he left yesterday morning, and that was hard, but we are doing ok. The babies are still sleeping most of the time. they wake up a few times a night to eat, which is totally normal, but the one who's REALLY having sleeping issues is Leif. He's having a heck of a time with everything.

As for me, i'm doing OK. I'm really trying hard not to stress about him going back to work next wednesday... even though i think i might just not survive that!!! I'm HUGELY hormonal lately and am finding myself frequently in a panic, and also fairly frequently crying about nothing at all. Its insane. CONSCIOUSLY i know none of this is helping anything at all, but its so overwhelming. I am hoping it will level off soon. I'm also really self conscious lately.. i've lost 58 lbs this pregnancy, between being sick and my new gestational diabetic diet, i get the priviledge of stepping on the scale each morning to find i'm a lb or two lighter than the last :-) very cool. However, i feel like even though the scale indicates i've lost weight, that i really don't look any better at all. You can see it in my face but come on! my face was the only part of me that DIDN'T need to lose weight!!! Andy insists that i have, and that he can tell, and he insists i'm not hideous, But i totally feel like it right now with the whole hanging belly skin. BLECH.

One thing that is really striking me lately is the importance of not taking a single moment for granted and not wishing away something in favor of what seems like something better coming later.. I'm trying to not even wish it was payday, because there's so much in the moment to enjoy. I think these guys are probably my last babies and that makes me really sad in a way, but more so, it makes me resolved to enjoy every second of their babyhood. Its all such an amazing gift and that reality is NOT lost on me. I GET that and i really want to be the kind of person who can appreciate and enjoy that. So anyway, so many thoughts flying around in my head, had to capture a few of them on blog... off to bathe myself and hopefully the little guys!

a pictorial birth story

ok, i'm pretty sure its big enough to read the words, just click on the picture and it will get bigger. :-)