If you are not familiar, Jonathan park is a creation science adventure story series. My children really enjoy it! and the digital format makes it easy to put on your mP3 player, or just burn to cd to listen the old fashioned way!
hurry! this is just through saturday! you can also enter the contest for $50 free from behemoth.com which is a fantastic site and offers daily freebies!
http://inashoe.com/2009/02/23/free_behemothcom/
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Affairs
Ok, so i'm watching Oprah... NOT something i do very often. I have issues with her and her agendas, but when i saw the topic of today (affair-proofing your marriage) i knew that i had to watch the remainder of the show. (half way through the second part of a 2 part series) And the the number one recommendation that the expert provided was to Appreciate your spouse, and SHOW your spouse appreciation.
I have to tell you, i nearly had to jump out of my seat and scream "YES!" because this guy is right on the nose! Oprah was handling the whole conversation very tastefully and neutrally, and one woman had to get out there and tell oprah that she was being too sensitive toward the men, and that she just needed to "give it to them" and Oprah very calmly replied that her purpose was to understand the situations behind affairs so that others could prevent them. and there were a few ideas that were brought up by this woman, that i had to post about because i think they are REALLY common fallacies that many women believe and it may be costing them their marriage! This is an issue that is close to my heart for a variety of reasons. After being married 14+ years, while neither of us have had a physical affair, we have both made poor choices, and compromised our marriage as a result.
Fallacy #1- Affairs are all about your upbringing. (Ie. a GOOD person would never have an affair.
This is absolutely untrue. If it were all about MY upbringing, i have to tell you, i'd be a complete criminal, and a wholly useless human being. The thing is, that God is faithful and can often provide where our lives lacked. Just because you were raised in a negative way does NOT mean that you are in any way destined to be a rotten person or an adulterer. In contrast, you could be raised in the most perfect, wonderful, Christian home, and STILL fall prey to the sin of adultery. Granted, a person who cheats on his or her spouse is likely NOT in a great place as far as relationship with God, but relationships with God, like relationships with people are fluid and ever-changing. And the bottom line is, LIFE HAPPENS. I've heard SO many describe their affairs as happening during a "perfect storm of events" That is no coincidence. We are ALL sinners, and we ALL have the potential to be broken down by life to the point of doing things we would never have imagined possible.
Fallacy #2 its wrong to suggest that an affair could have been prevented by a the spouse's behavior. I mean after all, we as women have SO Much already to do, one more thing is unreasonable to expect.
Oprah very wisely pointed out that to suggest ways that an event could be prevented is NOT the same as assigning blame. Personally, i believe that spouses DO have a responsibility to one another, to encourage them, and edify them and help them in whatever ways necessary. So if this lady is saying that there's no TIME to be an attentive wife, i'd have to disagree 100%. If you are too busy to complement your husband here and there, to notice when he does nice things for you, to recognize when he's worked a really hard day and let him know you appreciate all he does for your family, then you need to SERIOUSLY re-evaluate what is causing you to be so "busy" and if indeed you even want to be a part of a married couple, because that's NOT something you can ignore! Not if you want to stay married anyway! Especially if you are a Christian woman, you need to get the world's way of living OUT of your mind, because it is a *LIE* If you want a happy, healthy marriage you need to put TIME into it, you need FAR more than the average 12 minutes a day of meaningful conversation, you need date nights, you need a good, strong, sexual relationship, you need to make your spouse feel SPECIAL, so they won't be drawn away by someone ELSE that is willing to make them feel special.
PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY- So now i know you are all thinking, "But wait, having an affair is a CHOICE, anyone can just choose to NOT to have an affair!" And to that i'd say that i'm not assigning any "BLAME" to the spouse, even though i DO think that their behavior can either build up a spouse or tear him or her down, and so there is some element of responsibility there, like it or not, that is life. We as a married couple are ONE body, we are ONE being, and we affect the well being of each other regularily. That's just part of being married! Bottom line, there comes a point where you have to trust in the character of your spouse. Given NORMAL HEALTHY marital relations, a spouse with a good moral fiber will NOT be tempted to cheat, but i think that given the right perfect storm, any one person CAN indeed fall. Its a delicate balance. I don't believe its necessary to be an alarmist and think that if you aren't having physical relations with your husband every day that he'll be tempted to cheat. However, it IS a necessity to be having frequent satisfying physical relations with your spouse. You can't play the "I don't have time" card. Your first priority in life, if you are married, SHOULD be to be an attentive spouse, so make time for that, and if you are a guy, make time for doting on your wife, making her feel special, taking a hated chore off her hands. ITs the BEST aphrodisiac, i can attest to this PERSONALLY! But don't forget about the little things you can do to build up your spouse, because they ADD UP!
There's much more to be said, i'm sure, but life goes on and dinner must be served to grumpy children so i'm signing out! I just hope to encourage you ladies to really BE there for your spouse! to make an affair an incomprehensible concept. To be able to say to yourself IF the unspeakable DOES happen in your family, that you did EVERYTHING in your power to prevent it. Marriage is SO under attack in our society and there's SO few voices defending it.
I have to tell you, i nearly had to jump out of my seat and scream "YES!" because this guy is right on the nose! Oprah was handling the whole conversation very tastefully and neutrally, and one woman had to get out there and tell oprah that she was being too sensitive toward the men, and that she just needed to "give it to them" and Oprah very calmly replied that her purpose was to understand the situations behind affairs so that others could prevent them. and there were a few ideas that were brought up by this woman, that i had to post about because i think they are REALLY common fallacies that many women believe and it may be costing them their marriage! This is an issue that is close to my heart for a variety of reasons. After being married 14+ years, while neither of us have had a physical affair, we have both made poor choices, and compromised our marriage as a result.
Fallacy #1- Affairs are all about your upbringing. (Ie. a GOOD person would never have an affair.
This is absolutely untrue. If it were all about MY upbringing, i have to tell you, i'd be a complete criminal, and a wholly useless human being. The thing is, that God is faithful and can often provide where our lives lacked. Just because you were raised in a negative way does NOT mean that you are in any way destined to be a rotten person or an adulterer. In contrast, you could be raised in the most perfect, wonderful, Christian home, and STILL fall prey to the sin of adultery. Granted, a person who cheats on his or her spouse is likely NOT in a great place as far as relationship with God, but relationships with God, like relationships with people are fluid and ever-changing. And the bottom line is, LIFE HAPPENS. I've heard SO many describe their affairs as happening during a "perfect storm of events" That is no coincidence. We are ALL sinners, and we ALL have the potential to be broken down by life to the point of doing things we would never have imagined possible.
Fallacy #2 its wrong to suggest that an affair could have been prevented by a the spouse's behavior. I mean after all, we as women have SO Much already to do, one more thing is unreasonable to expect.
Oprah very wisely pointed out that to suggest ways that an event could be prevented is NOT the same as assigning blame. Personally, i believe that spouses DO have a responsibility to one another, to encourage them, and edify them and help them in whatever ways necessary. So if this lady is saying that there's no TIME to be an attentive wife, i'd have to disagree 100%. If you are too busy to complement your husband here and there, to notice when he does nice things for you, to recognize when he's worked a really hard day and let him know you appreciate all he does for your family, then you need to SERIOUSLY re-evaluate what is causing you to be so "busy" and if indeed you even want to be a part of a married couple, because that's NOT something you can ignore! Not if you want to stay married anyway! Especially if you are a Christian woman, you need to get the world's way of living OUT of your mind, because it is a *LIE* If you want a happy, healthy marriage you need to put TIME into it, you need FAR more than the average 12 minutes a day of meaningful conversation, you need date nights, you need a good, strong, sexual relationship, you need to make your spouse feel SPECIAL, so they won't be drawn away by someone ELSE that is willing to make them feel special.
PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY- So now i know you are all thinking, "But wait, having an affair is a CHOICE, anyone can just choose to NOT to have an affair!" And to that i'd say that i'm not assigning any "BLAME" to the spouse, even though i DO think that their behavior can either build up a spouse or tear him or her down, and so there is some element of responsibility there, like it or not, that is life. We as a married couple are ONE body, we are ONE being, and we affect the well being of each other regularily. That's just part of being married! Bottom line, there comes a point where you have to trust in the character of your spouse. Given NORMAL HEALTHY marital relations, a spouse with a good moral fiber will NOT be tempted to cheat, but i think that given the right perfect storm, any one person CAN indeed fall. Its a delicate balance. I don't believe its necessary to be an alarmist and think that if you aren't having physical relations with your husband every day that he'll be tempted to cheat. However, it IS a necessity to be having frequent satisfying physical relations with your spouse. You can't play the "I don't have time" card. Your first priority in life, if you are married, SHOULD be to be an attentive spouse, so make time for that, and if you are a guy, make time for doting on your wife, making her feel special, taking a hated chore off her hands. ITs the BEST aphrodisiac, i can attest to this PERSONALLY! But don't forget about the little things you can do to build up your spouse, because they ADD UP!
There's much more to be said, i'm sure, but life goes on and dinner must be served to grumpy children so i'm signing out! I just hope to encourage you ladies to really BE there for your spouse! to make an affair an incomprehensible concept. To be able to say to yourself IF the unspeakable DOES happen in your family, that you did EVERYTHING in your power to prevent it. Marriage is SO under attack in our society and there's SO few voices defending it.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
a song
i think i love every song on the Jericho soundtrack... i should see if there is an actual sountrack. Anyway, this one particularily spoke to me. thought i'd share
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HOn5Eudj5tI
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HOn5Eudj5tI
Friday, February 13, 2009
a vent.
Ok, so i KNOW i have an attitude. And of course, my dad is here visiting so its a given i'm going to have a miserable time. But good grief! I'm worn out. Physically, (courtesty of new baby) emotionally, mentally... and tomorrow is valentines day, which SUCKS. Because like Christmas, Valentines day is something to be enjoyed by everyone EXCEPT Fedex families. All week, just WORK, WORK, WORK, And when Andy has a bad day at work, EVERYONE feels it. not to mention that i am TIRED... T I R E D! Did i mention, Tired???
So anyway, my dad came into my room, and was like, i only was able to get 1 of my 5 package mailed so can you do it tomorrow? Well, great, Andy's gone in the AM, i guess we can go out after, just ONE more thing... yk? I guess i just feel kind of resentful because i just feel like it would NOT be THAT hard to baby me once in a while, but whenever he comes, its Bec, do this, bec, do that. I mean geez... i'm totally the most low maintenance of his children, i don't have court costs, legal bills, etc like one of my siblings, and the part of my college tuition that wasn't covered by scholarships is in student loan form, being waited to be paid for, by ME. NOT dad, like my other sibling. HECK, i'm CHEAP. Better than cheap because whenever he comes to visit, i cram ALL my children into one bedroom in order to give him a bedroom to stay in. And still, its always "Bec, mail stuff for me" "I don't plan for anything so you bear the brunt of that, dear daughter and pick up the slack" Ok, that's not REALLY a quote, but that's how i hear it. I mean would it REALLY be THAT hard to say, Gosh, you work so hard and are always so worn out and self sacrificing. Why don't you leave the kids with me for the evening and go out with andy somewhere nice! We'll play board games and eat popcorn. It will be fun! Yeah, DREAM on, that will NEVER happen. And WHY i think things could ever be ANY different, i have NO clue. I have NEVER EVER been babied by anyone who is supposed to love me. My mother is out of our lives, by her choice, and i pretty much mothered HER when i she was IN our lives. Kids obviously are not supposed to be "givers" they are SUPPOSED to be energy suckers, which they excell at :-) not complaining, i'm glad to provide them what I didn't have. and my lovely dh, God bless him, just isn't that kind of guy. I know he cares, that's not it, its just not his way of expressing love to me.
Sooo... anyway, I just wonder HOW i managed to NEVER get to be the recipient of loving service. I mean, its happened, on occassion, i guess. I have great friends. I know upon the birth of several of my babies, my friend Kristan came all the way up from her house, NOT close by, with her family in tow, and went shopping for me, almost ALWAYS getting me something that i was NOT able to live without for much longer, like lansinoh, or rescue remedy (nursing is HARD on me early on with my babies, i think my boobs are shaped funny) when i really didn't want to send dh out and leave me with all the other kids, to get! so i'm not completely pathetically neglected. We were also blessed greatly by a neighbor this Christmas time, and also by several church members... i think we must be pretty conspicuous. :-) Anyway, maybe its just an attitude thing. Only seeing the bad when there's plenty of good. I guess with all the valentines day crap going on, i just feel extra glum. I really wish andy would surprise me, take the initiative to plan a romantic evening, figure out childcare, figure out where to go, have it all budgeted and no stress, and just take the whole load off of me. I mean, i make an effort to speak to HIS love language as often and creatively as possible. (that would be physical affection, of COURSE) I guess, i just wish that "I" could have a moment once in a while, from a man in my life.... Dad, husband, whatever! Ok, whine over! Thanks if you've finished my BOOK here, and feel free if you care to commisserate to post! i will feel for you too! :-) or if you want to set me straight, that's fine too :-)
Better days later-
Rebecca the grump
So anyway, my dad came into my room, and was like, i only was able to get 1 of my 5 package mailed so can you do it tomorrow? Well, great, Andy's gone in the AM, i guess we can go out after, just ONE more thing... yk? I guess i just feel kind of resentful because i just feel like it would NOT be THAT hard to baby me once in a while, but whenever he comes, its Bec, do this, bec, do that. I mean geez... i'm totally the most low maintenance of his children, i don't have court costs, legal bills, etc like one of my siblings, and the part of my college tuition that wasn't covered by scholarships is in student loan form, being waited to be paid for, by ME. NOT dad, like my other sibling. HECK, i'm CHEAP. Better than cheap because whenever he comes to visit, i cram ALL my children into one bedroom in order to give him a bedroom to stay in. And still, its always "Bec, mail stuff for me" "I don't plan for anything so you bear the brunt of that, dear daughter and pick up the slack" Ok, that's not REALLY a quote, but that's how i hear it. I mean would it REALLY be THAT hard to say, Gosh, you work so hard and are always so worn out and self sacrificing. Why don't you leave the kids with me for the evening and go out with andy somewhere nice! We'll play board games and eat popcorn. It will be fun! Yeah, DREAM on, that will NEVER happen. And WHY i think things could ever be ANY different, i have NO clue. I have NEVER EVER been babied by anyone who is supposed to love me. My mother is out of our lives, by her choice, and i pretty much mothered HER when i she was IN our lives. Kids obviously are not supposed to be "givers" they are SUPPOSED to be energy suckers, which they excell at :-) not complaining, i'm glad to provide them what I didn't have. and my lovely dh, God bless him, just isn't that kind of guy. I know he cares, that's not it, its just not his way of expressing love to me.
Sooo... anyway, I just wonder HOW i managed to NEVER get to be the recipient of loving service. I mean, its happened, on occassion, i guess. I have great friends. I know upon the birth of several of my babies, my friend Kristan came all the way up from her house, NOT close by, with her family in tow, and went shopping for me, almost ALWAYS getting me something that i was NOT able to live without for much longer, like lansinoh, or rescue remedy (nursing is HARD on me early on with my babies, i think my boobs are shaped funny) when i really didn't want to send dh out and leave me with all the other kids, to get! so i'm not completely pathetically neglected. We were also blessed greatly by a neighbor this Christmas time, and also by several church members... i think we must be pretty conspicuous. :-) Anyway, maybe its just an attitude thing. Only seeing the bad when there's plenty of good. I guess with all the valentines day crap going on, i just feel extra glum. I really wish andy would surprise me, take the initiative to plan a romantic evening, figure out childcare, figure out where to go, have it all budgeted and no stress, and just take the whole load off of me. I mean, i make an effort to speak to HIS love language as often and creatively as possible. (that would be physical affection, of COURSE) I guess, i just wish that "I" could have a moment once in a while, from a man in my life.... Dad, husband, whatever! Ok, whine over! Thanks if you've finished my BOOK here, and feel free if you care to commisserate to post! i will feel for you too! :-) or if you want to set me straight, that's fine too :-)
Better days later-
Rebecca the grump
a REALLY cool giveaway!
WOW, had to post about this one... at this blog http://simplekids.net/ they are giving away 3 great open ended kids toys! They look fun, i'm tempted to buy if i don't win :-)
rebecca
rebecca
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Dr. Who
My 10yo is OBSESSED with Dr. who. Its kind of a weird thing for me, being that just about every guy i dated in high school was obsessed with, or at least ENJOYED Dr. Who. He now thinks that England must be the coolest place and pronounces "Donna" Like "Doughnut without the "t" its pretty funny :-) Its one of many "stop and think" moments i've had today. Its a crazy thing living deliberately. Like all the things I just totally took for granted or ignored before are glaring me in the face. Almost like the details all pop out there, competing for attention. So that is why i'm thinking about dR. who this morning, when i SHOULD be thinking about getting DRESSED! It amazes me all that a person takes for granted when not thinking deliberately. How easily one can fall into a trap. How difficult to tell WHO is on your side, WHO loves you and who is dragging you down.
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