Tuesday, June 29, 2010

My list-

wow... i haven't posted since FEBRUARY?!? REALLY? i guess i got distracted with my new homeschooling blog But here I am and i'm on a new mission.

Ok, so the thing is, i had a really rough childhood. I have PTSD and right now, i remember only spotty bits of it. I was molested from the time i was a toddler, i was manipulated, i was nearly destroyed, but for the grace of God, i'm sure one of my many suicide attempts/desires would have succeeded. But God has a bigger plan for me than that. I was enlightened by my brilliant friend Stacy that What i really need is to take back what was stolen from me, and obviously that would be a really really hard series of things to do, but If i can succeed, i can come out on the other side and really be a light to others who have been hurt in similar ways.

First, I need to acknowledge what was stolen from me.

- My innocence.
- My trust of men.
- My memories of childhood.
- My ability to feel loved
- My ability to function fully intimately with my husband without unwanted psychological intrusions
- My confidence in myself
- My ability to look anyone in the eye.
- My ability to have a healthy relationship with food.
- Having a mother
- Being able to sleep without fear
- Being free from irrational fears
- Being free from horrendous flashbacks.

I'm sure there's more. I'll add to it later... i was also going to make a list of what i'm taking back but this is too draining and i'm tired and distracted anyway.

1 comment:

Ransomed~Redeemed said...

You are so brave to share all that you have gone through. I know the Lord is faithful to use our hurst for His GLORY! May the Lord bring about a full and complete healing and restore what the evil one meant for evil. I am Alida form MOMYS and have twin boys, now almost 9. The years came so fast!