stuff

The time escaped me again. The twins' birthday went BEAUTIFULLY well, and we got lots of great pictures, and even a video of elliott grabbing the top off asher's cake :) very cute.

Things are otherwise going pretty well... Leif's bd party is coming up on sunday. His actual birthday was yesterday but my friend JoAnn is having Maddie's bd (the twins born two days later buddy) on saturday so sunday it is! Its busy, i'm getting ready to start school on monday, August 2, which is a new thing for us, but i'm wanting to ease into a routine and ease into all the subjects and for that we need an extra month.

Today

Today i'm up and i'm starting over. i need to get up so i can have some time to wake up in peace without people demanding stuff of me. Had a BIG argument with andy about that yesterday and I don't want to revisit THAT. So I think the only way to resolve this situation is to sacrifice sleep to make it happen, which i'm actually not supposed to, since i'm supposed to sleep a good amount at night to keep the PPD at bay, but i'm hoping this will at least spur me on to having a decent bedtime. The nighttime with its quietness is so intoxicating for me.

Anyway, during my Bible study this morning, i realized that i have to FOCUS on the race. If i spend my whole life lamenting that my mommy doesn't love me that's all i'll be able to think about. I have to move on. And that's hard, but what can I do about it? NOTHING, so might as well pick myself up and move on, keeping the whole situation marinated in prayer.

So, that is what i shall do. Now, the day is at hand, and there's much to be done. I'm about to catch a webinar on teaching math, and at 10 i have a dr. appt, me, and the twins. We are then meeting Amy and JoAnn in Auburn for a park playdate, and at SOME point i really need to order birthday cake for the twins and their own individual cupcakes, at Costco and QFC respectively.

I'm thinking we will have salmon chowder for dinner tonight if i can get it in the crockpot in time.

Dealing...

Sometimes i just am obsessed with wishing things could be different. I know its useless. I know its a pointless waste of time, but being created with the knowledge of what is RIGHT and what it was SUPPOSED to be like, and was like before sin, is hard. Its a process, and someday i know that God will help me fully to not feel that gap in my life. But right now i'm sad. Time to up my meds again i guess... Sometimes i wonder if i will ever be a whole person.