Tuesday, October 19, 2010
right now i'm feeling like the weight on my shoulders is just too much. And when i write it all down, it IS. Its not the events on my calendar, or the tasks i have to get done, though those are also pretty thickly packed right now too. But the bigger issues are the things that God is asking me to do. They are HARSH, and HEAVY, i don't even know how to describe it. I can't really get into specifics, but suffice to say that i'm certain that these burdens do indeed come from God, Its HARD and i'm having a difficult time finding the strength to go on. In a way, just the fact that i'm asked to do these things indicates to me that God thinks i'm awfully special, and that totally SHOULD make me feel better, but it doesn't. All i can think about is how to get from day to day, and fight the intrusive thoughts going through my head and fight feelings of worthlessness and guilt. I could really use prayer right now. I'm "Ok" i'm not in any immediate danger and i'm not feeling like i'm going into psychosis again or anything, but i do feel like i'm close to the breaking point, and i'm hanging on and trusting Him with all my might, but i'm having a hard time with the feelings of fear that are coming along with it. Clear as mud? probably... ah well... i'm going to go to sleep and things will be better in the morning, they always are. However, i have a very hard day ahead of me. But i'm not going to think about it. Positive thoughts... positive thoughts... sigh...
Posted by Rebecca K. at 11:51 PM