Monday, April 13, 2009

Family of origin issues.

Why is it that being pregnant, birth, and the like have SUCH an effect of directing one's thought toward family of origin? For me, this is really HARD. My mother basically told me she didn't want anything to do with me, when i refused to have any kind of relationship with my stepfather who has molested me since i was a baby. I had recently told her, and she called me a liar, until he admitted it to her, and that didn't change anything. I got back in contact with her a few years ago... when Anna was a baby. Rather, i got in contact with my Grandma, and my mother called me to yell at me and "how dare you talk to your grandma" me, and despite that, we had a couple of non-heated email conversations until she just ignored me. My grandma's number was changed and i've not yet been able to find her. Not sure if that was intentional, for my benefit, or just kind of in the swing of things. Anyway, my mother, she's never made any attempt whatsoever to even MEET her grandchildren, she just plain doesn't care. And that GETS me. I don't understand that. I'm a mom, and that would absolutely KILL me. The thing is, i KNOW i have absolutely ZERO fault in the whole scenario, and how often can you really say that truthfully? Basically this is me being beaten over the head by her and it doesn't ever seem to go AWAY! Especially now, just about everyone asks if i have family coming up to help with the babies, and how they wouldn't have survived their twins' first few months without help, and i have to say, NOPE, don't have any. And that's not entirely true. Andy's dad is going to come up this summer sometime, for his annual visit, and he's AWESOME, he's just such a positive and NICE guy. We've really loved how our relationship with Danny has blossomed and how we've gotten to know him and he's gotten to know our children! MUCH more than any of our other parents. NOW, that's not to insult andy's OTHER dad, LONG story, LOL but he's only had a few years to get to know us, another long story, and he and his wife are SUPER busy and yet they still make time to come up to visit at least every other year. And we talk to them on the phone and they are SUPPORTIVE. Now, if only the mother situation was that good. Things are spotty with Andy's mom. Not NEARLY as crazy as with my mom, but not great, that's for sure. Especially when i'm pregnant. She doesn't like that at ALL- never has, and that ticks me off in a big way. WHY would it be so hard to just support us????? i'm not talking about paying our bills or watching our kids every week for a date night, or even coming up for a couple of weeks when we have our twins, heck, i'd be happy with just positive words. Just something better than "well, guess you'll have to get back to the real world" when andy mentioned that we'd have to have a hospital birth. I mean, COME ON! That is a BIG deal to me, BIG. how hard would it be to have just a little sensitivity. I mean WHY THE HECK is it SO FREAKING HARD to have a LITTLE bit of support for us in our time of need. And be sure, it IS our time of need! My whole world is practically upturned and i feel like we are ON OUR OWN. Now that's not exactly true. I have a GREAT bunch of friends, my local MOPS group is AWESOME, i mean really, no comparison, I just discovered a twins support group in Tacoma! Things SHOULD be good, but i just can't get past the idea that our MOTHERS should BE there for us!!!! Maybe that's just me, becuase when something is lacking in life, God totally provides some kind of substitute. But it still smarts. And i really wish things could be different.

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