Wednesday, March 18, 2009


My sister is here visiting for a couple of days, and its been really fun. she and the kids are inseperable, and we're getting along well too. Well, this morning she said something that really shook me... one of the kids made a "Julie" comment, which i've discouraged them from doing because while she's only my stepmom, she's Dorie and Eric's REAL mom, so you know... but she looked at me and was like, "you just have to forgive her, she was messed up herself, and there's unfinished business but you have to move on."

NOW, it was not that she said that but my immediate internal reaction that freaked me out. Immediately i thought, NO! "I" was the child, and i don't CARE if she had issues, she didn't have to give ME issues! Now, i'm a Christian and I believe that forgiveness is NECESSARY, even toward people who have horribly horribly wronged you, and i completely consider the abuse suffered at her hands to be RIGHT on par with my stepdad molesting me, it was psychological, not sexual, but very severe. However, unlike pretty much everyone else in my life who has betrayed me, SHE actually apologized to me! I REALLY thought i'd forgiven her!!! WHY?! is it so hard to not only forgive, but to figure out if you HAVE forgiven or not!!! The thing is, i know that i'm not perfect, not by a long shot, and there's no scorecard, the people that hurt you have been hurt by others, and typically YOU don't hurt the people that hurt you, you hurt others, so all balanced out, I am really no better than HER. So What's the deal then? Question of the ages i guess! Does anyone else struggle with this?


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