babies!!!

birth story is still forthcoming, but thought i'd post some pics :-)
these were taken by Sherronna and James when the came to visit yesterday, 3 days old for the twins. I posted these because they are WAY nicer than my pictures but i'll still post my original pics when i post my birth story, if that might ever happen.... :-) Anyway, Asher is the baby in the red. He was born second and is the biggest, his birth weight being 7 lbs 13 oz. Elliott is the cutie in the blue. He was born first, and is the shrimpy one at 7 lbs even. We are not yet sure if they are identical. They appear to be identical, with a few minor differences, likely attributable to being nearly a pound different in weight, but we could easily find out as the weeks go on that they are fraternal. We will most likely do a dna test just to make sure, as it makes a big difference medically for their future :-) Anyway, wanted to post this quick since i had a second...

No babies on monday.

Ok, so i just got a call from the dr's office, who just got a call from the hospital, and they've cancelled my csection. It is because she scheduled it for monday, when i'm 36 weeks 6 days, not 37 weeks. they had described me as 36 weeks 3 days yesterday at my appointment, not 36 2 as i'd described myself, which i just chalked up as a discrepancy between 2 different calculars. I mean it IS one stinking day! So... the hospital is refusing to do the surgery, since i'd be like 12 hours away from being 37 weeks, and the next soonest they have is thursday at 3 pm. Yeah, so no food or water ALL DAY. I'll probably be DEAD by then with my massive water intake needs right now. if not, i'll go into surgery dehydrated and starving. GREAT huh? Makes me want to just say, SCREW them and i'll just go into labor whenever, hope it doesn't happen to fast and the stupid hospital's extended check in procedures don't take so long as to cause damage to anyone, and just MAKE their sorry butts give me a dang CSEC. Whenever it happens!!

The dr.s office lady did say that she was going to talk to Dr. Ho and see if there's anything else they could work out, and the original monday date was actually on her lunch hour, so i'm confident that if there's anything she's ABLE to do, she totally will. So at this point, i'm not feeling the babies barely at all, all i can really do is just HOPE everything is ok, or if it isn't that my once a week NST will pick up on it! I am just SO LIVID right now, I mean for crying out loud, isn't there exceptions for high risk pregnancies?!

back!

and the babies are both looking just fine!! B's movements are smaller,but its probably just a growth spurt, leaving him with less room. Regardless, i'm totally confident they are doing ok!!
Rebecca

Today's appointment

Ok, so i'm like this HUGE knot of emotion right now, and I think i'm overreacting to just about EVERYTHING, so its hard to figure out what is a threat and what isn't... But i have been pretty distressed, yesterday and today both, my baby "B" has been really still.. he got hiccups yesterday, and today some movement at my appointment, particularily during the ultrasound so he IS moving and both heartbeats were easily discernable, but since the reduction of movement was so much, my doctor wants me to go in to the hospital today for monitoring, and sunday too. And MONDAY we are having these babies! The Csec is scheduled for noon. So i'm waiting now, to find out if we can just go back to tacoma tonight, after work, since Andy was planning to go back to work this afternoon, they are really short staffed right now, or if we need to go in right away. Overall, i am fairly confident that everything is probably ok. They are both moving, seeing them was reassuring, but i certainly don't want to take any chances, and if like the cord was looped around b's neck multiple times, i'm pretty sure that would show up in a NST, so it will be good to do that. It very well could be that they just had a big growth spurt over the last couple days, it was VERY hard to lay down on the table for the ultrasound.

Oh, ok, so they just called and i am supposed to go to the hospital right now for more monitoring... so i guess i should get off and get ready! Anyhow, i'll post again when i get back.

Thanks for your prayers! please keep it up, i'm still a bit worried about my little guys...

My choices

Ok, i'll just say it- I know that i'm being judged. And i shouldn't care! i get that, i know that were the tables turned i'm sure i'd be judging me too, i really GET THAT! i had my last 3 babies at home, with no medication and only ONE of them was a water birth, so i DO have my fair share of toughness, but here's the thing- i'm just trying to make life as managable and normal as possible. its not like ANY of this is how i imagined my dream birth, NAMELY that there would be more than one of them! And i'm just doing my best to roll with the punches and make the best of a series of FAR less than desirable choices. And "I" know who I am and what my limitations are. At this point, my babies are transverse, and while i COULD go to extreme measures to TRY to get them rotated, or i COULD blow of the whole medical profession altother, have my babies at home and hope they LIVED, or whatever, that's NOT what i have chosen to do. In fact, if "B" did usurp "A"s position and moved head down i'm still pretty sure i would request a Csection. And here's why- Because there's always some element of insecurity with birth, i GET that. And i think i'm doing a PRETTY good job keeping it together as is, But i am NOT NOT NOT, comfortable with having both a vaginal and a csection delivery. I'm NOT going to do that. The fact is, i have a lot of responsibility and i CANNOT be the person i'm expected to be when i'm torn up ALL OVER THE PLACE. I'm NOT going to do that to myself! Sorry for not being the perfect martyr! And that's a HUGE possibility if i opt to go natural on this birth. Secondly i'm NOT ok with my doctor reaching inside my vagina, up into my uterus and pulling my second baby out. Its just not happening. So in a way, its a huge blessing that the little guys are more comfortable horizontally.

ALL i am trying to do is maintain SOME semblance of normalcy for my family, i'm trying to survive this birth and everything that it entails psychologically for me without crossing over into the land of the completely freaking INSANE. So, if you choose to judge me, for not being that perfect person, feel free. But keep this in mind first. And feel qualified to make that judgement ONLY if you've had 2 or more babies that lived in you for 36 plus weeks. If you've spent nearly a year with overwhelming nausea, and a portion of that time throwing up every day, Judge away! If you have spent WEEKS mostly in bed while everything around you CRUMBLED, knowing somehow you'd have to put it all back together while simultaneously homeschooling 5 children and 2 extra babies, Judge on! And if the last few of those weeks you began each night going to the bathroom every 20 minutes, tapering off to 30 minutes, then to an hour, then to one glorious 3 hour stretch (on a REALLY good night) roughly equating to about 6-8 potty trips per 9 hour sleeping period, then most certainly you can judge me. If you spent weeks where it hurt to be laying down, hurt a little more to be sitting down, really hurt to be standing up and you could BARELY STAND to walk, why then, PROCEED! And this is only considering the physical issues confronting me right now, NOT even the psychological issues, which are big, but i certainly don't want to get into here and now. I just thought i'd offer another perspective to why I am making the choices that I am. As far as i'm concerned, a Csection is NOT ideal but its the best choice at this point. And as far as i'm concerned going 37 weeks with twins is ABSOLUTELY sufficient. And maybe that makes me selfish. But that is MY LIMIT.

35 week appointment

Ok, so today was my appointment, and i arrived with a mission. To convince my Dr. that it would be best for me to have the babies as SOON as possible, specifically, next friday, the 17th. I was unsuccessful in that attempt. She said at 36 weeks 3 days she'd need specific REASON to prematurely plan a c-section. Darn. I really thought i approached that in a convincing way. So i THINK i got her to sort of agree to exactly 37 weeks on the nose which would be the Tuesday AFTER that friday that i was shooting for. My rationale behind the friday was that it would give us the benefit of the weekend, and since i'm having a Csection, i'm going to need my dh home for as long as possible on a LOT Of levels. But i would still rather have them the tuesday after rather than 2 weeks from friday, namely because Leif's bithday is on the 28th and i'd like to be at least moderately recovered by his birthday, like i don't want to be coming out of the hospital the day BEFORE his birthday, and i think the chances of my body waiting till after are minimal.

So anyway, back to the appointment. My uterus is measuring 53 cm, 2 more than last time, and the babies are both transverse... they kind of have their own diagonal half of the uterus, and their heads are surprisingly close togther. They weigh about 6 lbs and 6 1/2 lbs respectively. NOW, the troubling thing about their heads, is she was moving the wand along my belly saying "here's a head, and here's a head, and here's a head. And i was like WAIT a minute, that was 3 heads!! WHY do my babies have 3 HEADS????? There is still just 2 BABIES, RIGHT?!?!?!?!?! and she very hesitantly said "Yes....." and i was like WHOA, you are so not filling me with much confidence with THAT "Yes..." So she looked around more and determined that she was seeing A's head from 2 opposite sides of the uterus. We THINK. So in all likelyhood, there IS just 2 babies, but if they find another one in there later, i would not be ENTIRELY surprised, though i still think i would completely freak out. 2 babies at once is crazy enough. Another thing is they seem to be hanging out only at the top of my uterus which is weird. The placentas are at the top, so its not like they are blocking the bottom off, so i'm a BIT concerned about THAT turn of events, but i'm trying not to stress about it especially since i have enough to stress about as is. Right now the combination of waking up stressed about some element of the coming birth, and the EXCRUCIATING hip pain that i get during my 1 3 hour stretch at night when i don't have to pee, is getting me up REALLY early, and i'm tired and cranky and really really sore all over ALL the time.

34 week appt.

Ok, so what a frustrating appointment. First, the babies are the same as last time, A is breech, B is transverse, though B is more transverse than last time he was more vertexish, he's kind of moved up. i think hanging out on my pubic bone wasn't very comfortable for him either! Anyway, so she's fairly certain at this point that we are looking at a Csec although she won't schedule one earlier than 37-38 weeks! UGG! AND she thinks my contractions are braxton hicks, which is completely baloney. I've had 5 children, HELLO! i can tell when i'm in LABOR! and she insists that if my cervix was problematic they'd be able to find it and something would be bulging out of it, like A's bag of water or his little butt :-) eww... soooo.. after my 5 minute waste of time appointment, i'm no further than i was before. So who knows. Andy is "I told you so"ing big time about me opting to change to a more laid back doctor, and i think he's right. Oh well... at least she wants me to be stress tested on sunday, (provided i'm not in the hospital prior to then, which i'm guessing is pretty much a GIVEN at this point, since i'm supposed to go in after 2 hours of 10 minutes or closer contractions. But at any rate i'm definately mentally preparing for a Csection, which creeps me out still, but i have to admit, no 20 hour labor is very tempting. So i'm glad the decision is out of my hands, i'm not sure i'd make the "right" choice. AND i'm glad to have the time to mentally prepare. I don't do well with spur of the moment crises. Anyway, i'm trying to distract myself, hoping that it might make me less likely to go into labor? not easy on BEDREST! ugg. anyway, that's pretty much it. Thanks for reading.
R