Thursday, October 16, 2008

My anniversary

Yesterday was mine and Andy's 14th anniversary. Wanna see what i woke up to yesterday??

Cool huh? this is BIG. Andy has a LOT of redeeming qualities but flowers is NOT one of them :-) Anyway, i got to the kitchen in my jammies and stood there wondering how on earth he made THAT happen, since he's at work, and i immediately got the camera, and removed the coffee from my 2 year old's lips, "Coffee, DOOOD!" Says Leify, and snapped a couple pics. I oohed and Aaahed, adn the children LAUGHED and watched, and finally Nik couldn't hold it in any longer... "DAD'S IN THE SCHOOL ROOM!!!" he burst out! Oh my gosh, he had been waiting in there like an hour, when he told nik to wake me up! i'd totally slept in. Normally i get up at 5 or 530 but i had a long night with Alex, giving him his narcotics ever 4 hours (he just had his tonsils out tuesday) and just zonked out.

So anyway, he'd managed to get off work after the sort, and surprise me... WOW! It was a sign. I made a big decision about our relationship i'd been agonizing over for weeks. (not getting into the specifics, you'll just have to use your imagination, but suffice to say it was a GOOD one!!!) And we went for a walk for like over an HOUR, He dragged my sorry ass ALL over the neighborhood, and my lower back was killing me, but it felt GOOD! and we talked and talked and talked...

Then that afternoon, i finalized some things, and dealt with a situation i had, (again, use the imagination, its your friend) in limbo, and did. It was humiliating and humbling, and i'm glad to be done. And now, with a renewed passion for my marraige, we are starting over. By gones are gone, and we're moving on. Though i'm having a REALLY hard time forgiving myself... And i'm having a hard time making sense of life... HOW is it possible to NOT recieve love from someone who has adored you for like 15 years, and conversely TO recieve it from someone who doesn't even intend it. It doesn't make any sense.. usually i'm really good at the interpersonal thing, but i'll be darned if i'm not losing my touch! Maybe we'll pull out the love languages book and re-read that... its an awesome read, and we are so opposite. I'm an acts of service person, and andy's a physical touch person, primarily which is a conflict.

So we went out on our weekly date night for three, andy me and leif, and sat at jack in the box and just talked and talked and talked... it was like we were dating again. VERY cool. Talking is important.... its hard for a ultra yappy person when the other person in the marriage doesn't TALK a lot! in fact, i remember my dad didn't like Andy when i first introduced him, probably in part becuase he met him, tapping on the window of andy's car when we were in it, making out :-) but mostly he found him suspicious because he was quiet. (no doubt scared to death meeting a girlfriend's father that way!) I guess that's how it is with us boisterous loud jews :-) Anyway, i digress! (big surprise there!!!)

Ultimately i know that while life sucks right now, everything is going to be ok. And i have an amazing aroma in my living area... and beautiful flowers. Want to see the view from my computer? here it is!

a dozen long stemmed roses in a ginormous pickle jar! LOL!!!!! :-)

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