I had an amazing experience last night!!! I went out for mom's night out with a couple of girls from my mops group, and we got to talking about stuff and my situation came up. A special person (you know who you are, THANK YOU!!) managed to convince me that it was NOT entirely my fault. And the more I think about it, the more the progression of events makes sense. My husband's covering was definately lacking, (I don't mean that in a blaming way... in fact, neither of us knew such a thing existed until last night!!) But it really shows me how everything came together in such a way. And what's more, i KNOW God has a plan for what i've been through, and i know God will allow me to be an instrument for His glory!! A few posts down i talked about how i am so very open hearted toward people, and I realize now that that is exactly how God wants me to be! YES! i will get hurt sometimes, but that's ok! i can get through anything with God's protection, and if He sees fit to use my life for His glory, then so be it! I'm honored to be that instrument! And what's more, those voices that tell me i'm a terrible person and i'm this and that, they are LIES straight from the pit of Hell, and i'm speaking death! Its no wonder i feel like "i've fallen and i can't get up" And that i've come to God in tears so many times apologizing and come to Andy so many times apologizing and am forgiven instantly but can't seem to let it go myself. But that's it! i'm done with that and i'm moving ahead and i AM going to church on sunday. I am forgiven and i have one more weapon against satan under my belt in the process. And i'm going to be doing a word study on "the mouth" and really watching carefully what comes out of my mouth regarding myself and even others. I've had a really bad attitude toward a lot of people and there's no place for that anymore! God is SO good and i'm living in that starting NOW!!!